Why am I so scared?

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I just got out of a relationship 8 months ago. I’ve met a new guy and he’s amazing! Sweet, cute, kind, intelligent..he’s everything I’ve wanted and hoped for! We’ve hung out a good bit and I feel like I’ve known him forever. Being with him makes me the person I want to be and makes me so incredibly happy. For some reason though I won’t let myself be happy. I’m so worried that he will leave, that he will change his mind about me, that he will find someone new. I cry almost every night because I’m afraid I will lose him. We will go a full day without speaking and I freak out and think he doesn’t want to see me or talk to me again. Why do I feel this way? How can I stop myself from over thinking and worrying so much? I just want to be happy, I should be happy. I’m only truly happy when I’m next to him. When I’m not with him, my mind is racing and I worry.

Category: Tags: asked November 13, 2013

6 Answers

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accepted
I think that maybe it's because you've been hurt before and your body might just feel that way because it's trying to protect itself. I think that you should talk to him about the way you feel and I think that he'll understand because he seems like that type of person who would understand - hopefully this will give you some closure, to know that he won't leave you. If you still have doubts and whatnot, I suggest you go visit the doctor for anxiety because it just might be something with your brain and not anything to do with him. Just remember to remind yourself that this guy likes or even loves you and that you shouldn't have doubts about it because then it won't be a healthy relationship. Good luck and if you want to talk, I'm here :)
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It sounds like you have an anxious attachment style. This means that you don't quite feel secure without a certain amount of reassurance and attention from your partner. The relationship is still new, which is scary because you're still trying to develop trust in the other person. Have you had relationships where you've felt insecure, or betrayed in the past? Have you talked to your boyfriend about how you feel? What you're going to need to do, if you haven't already, is have a conversation with your boyfriend about what you expect to get from the relationship and what you're comfortable with, and you'll probably need to have multiple conversations like this. The more reassurance you can get from him about where he stands in the relationship, the more this should help you to relax and have faith in your relationship. But you also need to explain to your boyfriend that you need to talk about these things because you're not feeling secure in your relationship yet. Hopefully he is understanding and compassionate enough to have these talks with you without taking your feelings too personally. If you need any other suggestions, feel free to message me. Hope this helps! Good luck!
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V
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It sounds like you do have some lingering feelings from your past relationships. Everyone does so don't worry. You should just tell your current boyfriend how you feel and why you feel that way. You wont seem needy by talking about how you feel, especially if it is affecting you so much. I cant say that he will or wont disappoint you at some point because I cant read the future. You just have to let him know so at least you put it out there and now he can determine on whether or not he wants to support it and help you through it. If he does then you have a good guy but if he doesn't then you may want to think about distancing yourself so you don't get so hurt.
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I think it sounds like you have too much anxiety. I would re commend seeing your family Dr. to get something for anxiety. It can really help when your mind just won't stop turning. I have the same thing and meds nearly stop it all together. I wish you luck :)
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You are scared because you don't want to be hurt like you were before. This is natural for you to feel this way but you can not let that get the best of you. This guy makes you incredibly happy. You cry because you don't want him to walk out on you. You can't believe how someone so great just come along and it can't possibly be true. You have to trust him that he won't leave and he truly cares about you. I had been going through the same situation with my boyfriend. We wouldn't text for hours at a time and I would worry if he had lost feelings for me. I was literally losing my mind because I felt I he didn't like me as much as I like him. Then when we are together everything changes, I can be myself and I know he won't judge me. We worry because he is probably the best thing that has happened since past relationships and you don't want to lose him. Best advice I can give is to show him that you care and you don't want to lose him. If it bothers you as much as you say you do, you should talk to him. Communication is key to any relationship. I wish you the best of luck in this relationship. I don't know what your past relationship was but you most certainly do deserve love and happiness and I hope you can achieve that with this guy. Good Luck.
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You will leave him before he leaves you.