Do you feel a sense of not knowing why you're doing things? A sense that there's something crucial missing, something more that isn't there? Congratulations, you're intelligent enough to subconsciously have realized some fundamental truths about life. Depression is significantly more common among people with high IQs, and there's a reason for it. The whole emptiness thing stems from the realization that your life expectation, in this day and age, is to go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, retire when you're too old to enjoy the first true freedom you've had since you were 5 or so, and die. This, needless to say, is horrifying. It certainly doesn't help that humans have a fundamental need for their lives to have an actual purpose and meaning. That sort of came with the whole self-awareness thing. So, you're at a point where you need that purpose and meaning. There are a few ways to do that. Positive psychology talks about setting a series of stepwise goals and learning to enjoy working for them, and that would certainly work. Another alternative is finding religion, and developing a deep faith that a higher power has a purpose in mind. The one I personally chose is a bit different, and it goes with a certain psychological theory called the theory of positive disintegration. In essence, choosing either of the other two options is merely trying to deal or cope with the problem. The other option is to confront that lack of meaning, and use it as a strength. Finding a real, overall life purpose that's specific to you gives you a chance to see the world in a different way from many other people, to explore and create change. It lets you break the pattern and find something else. The whole idea of positive disintegration is that personal growth is the development of greater and greater individuality, and finding your own purpose is the key to that. Your growth progresses as you become more and more committed to that purpose. It could be the pursuit of self perfection, or a desire to change the world in some specific way, or the pursuit of knowledge. It doesn't even need to be incredibly deep or complicated, it just needs to mean something to YOU. This is much, much, harder as choices go, and it can take a LONG time to find something important enough to you that it will make you feel fulfilled. The other two options will make you happy, less driven, and less lonely. Doing the whole grand life purpose thing generally leads to making a lot of hard choices, and a lot of sacrifices for what you see as most important. Whatever you choose, or decide to pursue, I wish you the best of luck. Also, still definitely not any less pretentious. Cheers.
