Ok, I have kept this inside for 8 or so years so I have to get it out and get some answers.
I was raped at 13 years old, after that I found my first love or he found me to be exact and he was my first willing sex partner. But I had no voice so I let him do what ever he wanted to me whether I wanted it or not. So it is my fault for letting him treat me like a sex object in a way. I have no doubt that he loved me though, he loved me very much. He knew I was open to everything, so he thought. I just never said what I liked and didn’t out of fear I guess… So one time we were having sex and without warning stuck his thumb in my ***. We haven’t even done anal before this or anything. He didn’t know if I liked it or not because we didn’t discuss trying to or anything. Anyways, that’s not really the big issue I’m getting at, just one example. One morning I was sleeping and he decided to stick his **** in me while I was sleeping. I woke up and out of fear again, I didn’t say one word, just let him finish. Now 8 or so years later here I am back with him. My first love. Now I speak my mind and tell him what I don’t like and he doesn’t do things like that. He hasn’t. I don’t think he would now. This time I tell him to respect me. Do not touch my *** in public, I don’t like this during sex.. And he listens the best he can which is good. But now I can’t stop thinking about what I didn’t say 8 years ago. I want to talk to him about it but I’m scared… Opinions??
Another important factor… Through the 8 years in between, there were more things that happened that would cause triggers and ptsd… Not going on with detail about those though, and I really need some mature people who can at least try to understand both sides.
