Tough Choice

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I recently got engaged. My fiance and I have lived together for several years. One night he fell asleep before me, and I went to set his alarm on his phone for him. I saw that he had been texting another girl, and had asked for a pic of her stomach, she asked wouldn’t that make him a bad boyfriend, to which he said “being bad is more fun”. I confront him, he says that they’re just friends, and had been talking about their fitness programs, and what ab workouts they did (thus the stomach picture). He claims that the “being bad is more fun” comment was just a joke, and he didn’t think of how wrong it could be taken. In his defense, I’ve known him for 7 years, and he is the type to be awkwardly inappropriate without realizing it. He’s the guy in the group who makes a joke that you don’t know whether to laugh or cringe about. HOWEVER…even if he’s telling the truth and meant nothing by it, how can he not realize that that’s wildly inappropriate for someone who’s about to be married?? What should I do in this situation? At worst he’s lying and cheating, at best he’s thoughtless and inappropriate. Is that worth ending an engagement over?

Category: Tags: asked April 28, 2015

4 Answers

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I feel like a seven year relationship isn't worth ending over a text, now yes the text seems a bit odd but it does seem like he has a good legitimate explaination for it. He was probably just making an inappropriate joke without realizing it. I feel like you should tell him how you feel so that way something like this doesn't happen in the future and keeping a closer eye on his behavior couldn't hurt.
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I can't pretend to have a lot of experience with this, but I'll provide what insight I can. Personally, I think unless you've met the person there should be no excuses for him to be texting another girl, especially something inappropriate, even if its accidentally so. You right now are the leading lady in his life, and I'm sure he loves you very much, and would respect you if you told him your thoughts straight up, not just asking questions.
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Sounds like you two need to have a longer talk about this, if it hit you this hard you need to let him know. But I have to ask a question too; are you really considering ending it with the man you've said you want to marry because on one text? Are you sure there's nothing else bothering you? Anyway, if that one text broke your trust in him so hard, you could always ask to get a look at the rest of that conversation.
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How did setting the alarm go on over to reading his texts? It sounds like both of you have some soul searching to do.