The thing is I am in love with my friend with benefits. (We never really had sex but he kissed me and i kissed him and we never stopped since then, we did something normal friends won’t do) I am falling in love with him now and we’re never really into something like that, we never had conversation about that “love” thing ever, since we’ve met. He holds my hand in public SOMETIMES. And the hard or maybe easy (I don’t know) part is I am leaving, he knows it and never really tried to stop me (though he said that i can go to any country but that). I seriously do not know what to do, some moments I am convinced I am not going to tell him the shitty feeling I have for him to save the friendship, some time all I want to do is say “I love you.” Some moments I think he feels the same way but most of the time I do not know what’s on his mind. Some times he makes me feel important, some times he makes me feel ignored and clingy. He is clingy too! Why is this so hard? I am so afraid that if I leave, everything will fall apart and I can never come back anymore because maybe, just maybe, someone will replace my spot, on his side.