Social anxieties

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Two years back(2013), I gave absolutely zero f*cks about what others thought of me. Many considered me as a weirdo which I learned to accept it. I had a great group of friends who backed me up when others would bully me. They gave me enough courage to the point where I stopped caring about what other people thought of me. It was all going well until we graduated middle school.

High school came along and my freshman year was surprisingly great! I met new people and we became great friends. One of these people was a girl named Stella. Stella didn’t have an all good reputation in school, I didn’t know why back then, but she greatly influenced me in a good and bad way. Good because she gave me a lot of confidence to be my true self. Many people liked me and thought I was a funny guy. I became the class clown that year and was kind of popular. Popularity, to a lot of teenagers, is a huge deal. It was to me as well. I was considered as funny and charismatic. Believe it or not, I had some kind of ability to read the person and understand their sense of humor! Crazy, I know! I was a really confident person back then and it was all because of Stella.

Bad because: she manipulated me to be bisexual. Now, I’m not against homosexual or bisexual people or anything, but like any normal person, I denied it at first. She manipulated me to be a bisexual like her. I didn’t see it back then, but she played me. She played with my emotions and played mind games with me. She was all touchy-touchy with me and at one point she kissed my cheek. I knew this because a little bird told me that she was playing with me and knew I had a crush on her. Now I knew why a lot of people don’t like her. Being confused with my sexuality made me really insecure and self conscious. Ever since I stopped being friends with her since I knew it was greatly affecting me in a bad way, everything started going down. I lost my confidence and my “ability” to understand other’s sense of humor. I gained social anxieties and lost a lot of friends since they thought I was changing and avoided them because I didn’t like them. I stopped caring about popularity since I knew it wasn’t really gonna benefit me in the future. I got depressed and I’m currently taking pills. All because of her. She manipulated me to like he and played with me. I don’t wanna go in depth with me and Stella (unless you guys want me to) since its a very long story. Basically, I had a lot of deep thoughts and confusion. Now I accept the fact that I am bisexual and I’m proud of it, but I’m too scared to confess. At times when I have a mini crush on a girl, everything just starts getting awkward for me when she’s around. Making my social anxieties worse. I still have my group of friend though, and I’m very grateful for them being around. They don’t know about the truth though, but I’m sure it will take time to heal and with help, I will get my confidence back.
And that’s my story. Thanks for taking time to read. Please leave any advice, I would really appreciate it :) . Sorry for long post.

Category: Tags: asked May 10, 2015

1 Answer

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You cannot be manipulated into being bisexual.

You started questioning your sexuality because of her actions but that does not make you any more or less bisexual. Your fear and hurting were probably made worse by your social status and that change you started accepting. Popularity probably hindered your in accepting that change more than she did.

What people don't seem to understand is that your brain chemistry doesn't settle until you're 24 and undergoes the most difficult changes between 15 and 18. It's often when people question their sexuality the most. It's also when you're the most vulnerable to what other people think and why High School is so hard. It's also when most teenagers undergo depression and anxiety symptoms as well as having suicidal thoughts. It is when most teenagers go on medication.

You can have your confidence back anytime you want. Just go for it. Quit worrying about what other people will think and instead be you and be happy. Your sexuality has nothing to do with anyone else's opinion of you. Your sexuality is no one's business but you and your immediate partner if you don't want it to be.

No one made you be bisexual. It's just who you are and what you grew into.