Should I keep fighting for my marriage?

i have been with my husband for 3 years, we have been married for 1 year this month. he cheated on me about 3 months ago. i found out by looking through his phone and on Facebook. since then we havent been the same. it took me 2 weeks to even look at him without visions of him and the girl. i couldnt sleep or even do anything really without thinking about it. i would try to talk to him but this just made things worse and made him more distant. he says he wants to be with me, cant live without me and wants to stay in this marriage forever. but not only did he cheat he is verbally and physically abusive. mostly when he is drinking. when we fight and he hurts me i cry alot but it doesnt bother him when he hurts me. he just doesnt care and he has told me this numerous times. that he doesnt care. things that i find disrespectful like him staying out all night and not calling, or leaving the house after 10pm, he thinks are Okay. he does what he wants and I cant stop him. And this is just the half of it all. but when we have good moments, their really good. i smile at the thought of his smile. i live to make him happy. i love to please this man. i have dinner ready for him every night. make his lunch for work, do the laundry clean our house take care of our kids and everything thing else for our household. i love doing these things as well. but it hurts when im not appreciated for it. i wouldnt be able to live without him but its getting harder and harder to stay.

Category: Dating & Relationships asked August 5, 2014

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CJoseph

5 Answers

The abuse alone is reason enough to leave. Abusers abuse, and their abuse escalates. He can say anything, but the Wizard's Fifth Rule states "Mind what people do, not only what they say, for deeds will betray a lie."

Your husbands words are that he wants to be with you, but his actions state that he wants to own and control you. He does not care that he hurts you, that is not love. He does not care that he disrespected you by cheating. That is not love. I think you love the idea of him.

Please go to this website, it contains vital information on identifying, surviving and ultimately escaping abusive relationships: www.newhopeforwomen.org . On that website, you'll find an escape plan, and there is even a button at the top of the screen to quickly exit that website so an abusive spouse can't know what you're doing.

Keep yourself safe and do the right thing for yourself before you are tied to that awful man through children. No child deserves to have an alcoholic, abusive father, just as you do not deserve to hve an alcoholic, abusive husband.

If you want to discuss this further and in private, my inbox is always open.

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Humanist Hope

16,417

This scenario was so similar to my own that I shook for a moment. Your husband needs helps, the drinking side of him is a totally different person then the one whom you decided to marry. However, if he will not agree to get help with his drinking problem, then he likely never will. Best (though unfortunate) to let him go.

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CelticCowboy669

Sweetheart I know it's hard but, leave. You've stated that he is verbally, physically and emotionally abusive. Right now that's just towards you. You're home for him cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children, does he lift a finger other than to you? I doubt it. If he can be abusive towards you because he's drunk, it won't be long before it's one of the children in the way of his violence. Pack your things, get your children and get out. Hope you're alright, should you choose to take the advice given by myself and others on here, know that we're still here if you need anything when you leave xxx

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mew

You know you don't really have to do this. I believe that you deserve much more than that and I'm sure that there are men out there that would appreciate everything that you're doing and would truly love you. That guy cheated on you and that really shouldn't be given a second chance.not even when you have kids..he cheated on you, he doesnt seem to care about you, yes he probably cant live without you because he needs someone to look after him, make him food and wash his clothes and so on. You don't need or have to live in such a life where you feel that you're not comfortable with. I think its better for you to end this relationship..sure it wont be an easy thing to do,but u need to do it for yourself. You deserve to be appreciated.

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Nicole Ak.

Hello CJoseph. You shouldn't fight for your marriage. If all you get is abuse and disrespect for fighting for it then you deserve someone else. Someone who will appreciate you making dinner, making his lunch for work, laundry and caring for the kids. And show just how much he'll appreciate you. Divorce may be hard for the kids but I'm sure they will understand. It will be hard but he saw this coming when he cheated on you. He's just keeping you around to prove he can keep control. You deserve someone better. Be strong. Stay strong.

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Serendipity

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