Okay, I try to make this as short as I can.
I’ve had a friend since Junior High, now we’re both in our twenties. She has compromised immune system and gets sick often. We’re both shy people.
Anyway, over the years I’ve been starting to feel more used, and more of a friend of convenience. I always try to be there for her (We’re both Military wives and recently got stationed at the same base, my husband and I actually helped her move here), you know inviting her to hang out, asking if I can hang out at her house. Offer advice (She’s newly married, I’ve been married almost 5 years now) I Just try to be a good friend, but…..
When I try to ask her if she wants to hang out something is always up. (I’ve asked about 5 times since March) Sometimes she’s sick (Or says she is anyway..), but other times she’ll say she’s busy, but will make a post on Facebook stating how bored she is and has nothing to do, etc. So I feel like I’m being given the cold shoulder.
It also feels like she only ever talked to me when she needs something. For instance, us helping her move, I had been in my hometown for 3 years, and in that time She maybe talked to me a handful of times, and it usually led up to a favor of some sort. One time I actually took her off of my Skype IM, because I hadn’t spoken to her for about 6 months and then she got upset and asked why, and said she was sorry for being a horrible friend and promised to try more, which made me feel guilty. Instances like this happen all the time where I feel compelled to help her, and be her friend, but it is hurtful when she acts like I don’t exist unless I’m useful, and when I try to be there for her and other people miles away get the thanks and acknowledgment. She’ll tell people all the time on facebook that they are there for her, so it kinda makes me feel like chopped liver. I mean for memorial day weekend she invited her husband’s friends to a party, but not me or my husband even though when I talk to her she acts like we’re best friends, and that I’m one of her best friends, but I’m supposed to be hidden….and not acknowledged. I would confront her but it usually ends up with me feeling guilty and forgiving her, but this has been a continuous cycle since the later years of high school. Should I give up on this friend? What do you think I should do? I don’t have many friends anymore (Life kinda got in the way, people say I’m a kind and loyal person, so I don’t think it is my personality. ) So I find it hard to lose a friend, but the way she acts is definitely not how a friend should treat someone from what I understand, she is also the only friend I have in this area, everyone else lives at least a day’s drive away. Please help.
* Okay there seems to be a small misunderstanding. This behavior of hers isn’t new. I’ve just been dumb and kept rolling it off and forgiving her, but she’s had this behavior since we became friends. I always just ignored it. :/ Or if I mentioned anything she always made me feel guilty by bashing on herself.
