I’ve been self harming since May , I still have scars from then , white marks. No one know I do this or feel this way , not my parents , only 1 friend that I don’t really enjoy right now. Self harm is my way to take away the pain , the mental pain that lives inside me everyday , I’m going on holiday in a month with my family , it’s summer there so I would have to wear short sleeves , my mom wouldn’t pack long sleeves. My recent cuts will hopefull heal , if they are still visible hopefully I can cover them with concealer . Don’t tell me to stop self harming , please , it’s an addiction , it takes away the pain , it helps me , it makes me feel strong. My anxiety is weird , I don’t feel anxious about something for along time , I have different bubbles of anxiety , in school we do something with the grade and every time I become so anxious , normally I don’t get spurts of anxiety at school.
People call me goth at school . 1. We have a school uniform , I can’t wear black even if I wanted to . 2. I DONT WEAR BLACK 3. They say I have a dark soul , what do they fucking except , I have fucking depression , it’s not called being goth or emo , it’s fucking called hating your self .
I have no idea how to tell my parents , we don’t have a very serous relationship , if we talk it’s mostly jokes .when I was like six I did something really bad and my mums face traumatised me , I’m still afraid of that , I’m afraid of doing that agin and I’m afraid of seeing that reaction , it scares me , it makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong , 1. When I was six , I was so young 2. What I did it wasn’t my fault. I don’t like that face , it’s my mums shocked face , and if I tell her I’m afraid,that ill see it , that I will regret everything . What do I do