Might be long and I may get off topic but here goes nothing:
I have the biggest grudge against my parents and it has come to the point where I cannot speak to them about anything important without arguing or leaving hot-headed.
When I was in around 7th grade, I realized that even though I got like mostly A’s and all, my parents would yell at me for not doing well. They are Asian and have the “you should be a doctor” mentality. I have severe ADHD so I work 3x as hard to keep even a B average, and I don’t always handle pressure well. It came to a point that I was put down not only by bullies, but my own parents at home. I felt like my life was an endless cycle of me being a disappointment, so I was very depressed and suicidal. I recovered by listening to music and making new friends, but damn was that hard. I vowed that after I was better I would be independent, and would not rely on my parents especially for anything ever again if I had the choice.
I have gone through most of high school since then, and for about years now I have not really asked my parents for money, I transport myself and set up my activities and regiment my schoolwork. If they as me to do something, my initial instinct is to do the opposite, within reason.
Now almost finished with senior year of HS, I think of myself as a well rounded, smart and responsible individual. I have a good idea of where I am headed, trying for a good college and now the value of money, loyal people and hard work. I live in a great area and a great school and am well off in middle-class, but I don’t consider myself spoiled. I am very humble and generous, to a fault at times, even though I sound like I’m bragging here hahaha.
My sense of empathy towards others was something I developed after that dark period when I was suicidal. I came from a low, so I came to understand people and see the best in them. I see something nice in every single person I meet. So naturally, I see good in my parents. My parents went to NYU together, both have very nice jobs and we are in a fairly wealthy area. My dad is any extremely hard worker and know how to be efficient and get things done. My mom keeps tabs on everything, doesn’t forget much and is very organized. But then again they love to argue, team up on me and are not great with compliments. My dad has a huge temper and thinks that he knows best and love being in control of everything, including me. My mom is a perfectionist, hates my unorthodox method of doing things and needs to know where I am at all times.
Basically, I like being free, making my own decisions and learning things myself. I make tons of mistake, but it build character and helps me understand how the world works. They see things in black and white, while I see the world in vivid colors. Where my parents are confined to offices and spreadsheets, I want to have options and not have 9-5 hours. They thin they know everything about me and what is best for me, but yelling at me for doing my best at trying to impress them and looking down upon my passions and interests make me feel uncomfortable just being near them.
Am I fair in kind of hating them? I mean I feel emotionally abused. I am already hard on myself, what with me being extremely insecure due to all the shit I dealt with in the past. Almost 18 years of being alive and my best description of the people who raised me and should have supported me the most is: They were one of my biggest struggles in life to deal with.