Raped by mums ex husband. I lost courtcase. She blames me. Need advice.. (long information)


Not going to lie, im really fucking bothered by the way some people act towards me.
I can sit here and pretend to be strong but that isnt going to deal with the real emotions im feeling. So im just going to vent. Even if it means no one gives a shit.
I just need to vent.
Im bothered. Im really, really bothered. For a while now i havent publicly shamed anyone thats bothered me, because i dont believe its the right way to deal with things.

But i have to get this off my chest.

I really cant stand manipulative people. People that mould the story to their version which suits their needs.

When i was 11 i was sexually abused and raped by my mums husband (at the time) who told me that if i told my mum, she wouldnt believe me. Over the following years he had brainwashed me somehow, into believing that there was a camera in my room, where someone was watching me, and on my way to school when i used to get cars hooting at me, he’d tell me that he’d sent people to watch me as i was on my way to school. When i was 13 i began to realise how messed up the situation was and i refused to let him touch me. I remember talking to mum as he was downstairs and where my door was near the banisters, you’d hear footsteps and the door slowly opening.. I didnt understand why he did that until i realised he was trying to listen to what i was talking to my mum about. A ton more fucked up stuff happened until i was 14, when after he approached me and cut my dress as i was unconcious and i stirred, i’d woke up screaming and lashing out at him, and i finally broke down and confessed to my mum.

I thought that would be the last blow of the storm, but as time went on with the courtcase, the gap between me and my mum got bigger, the storm turned violently. Mum and me would fight, she’d stopped eating, and id have to cook her food, she overdosed, and i had to call the ambulance. Our sanity was wearing thin. Then one day as we was fighting she called me a “slag for sleeping with her husband” .. and that stuck.

Like a substance dissolving in water i couldnt get those words out. no matter how hard i tried.

So much shit happened throughout that time, it was too much to bear.

After i lost the courtcase, i decided to live with my father, as the social services believed that would be the best option, giving that my mum has a long record of abuse, and instability.

When i lived with my dad it was a struggle, coming to terms with the courtcase, and then my nans passing a week after, which sent me into a spiral of depression.

Fast forward 4 years and my life started to get back on track. I’d started college doing a subject i loved, and my mind was occupied. In this time mine and my mums relationship was come and go, but fast foward again to the year 2014, we started speaking again.

I hadnt seen her since 2010. After she blocked me on all platforms and refused to speak to me. Long story short, we started speaking again, and i decided to move in with her. Very shortly after though, i moved back to my dads and my mum was upset with me. Which was understandable. But what wasnt understandable was how she refused to speak to me for about a month or something after. When we was speaking she told me of how she gave back our dog to her ex husband (the one who abused me) To his front door. With his friend.
She also told me that she was trying to speak to his brother. when i CONFESSED to her. And had him and his family on facebook.

Anyway. After we fell out, she accused me of simply “manipulating” the story (in so many words) and claimed that i was “jealous” of her. And that she was happy with her life before me and my brother came along. Then cue the verbal abuse “get a job youre lazy you ponce” “slag” .. etc.

On facebook she put up statuses and comments:

“my own kids are being nasty & it all starts up all rosey then they take the piss! i was happy b4 they got back into my life now this! i honestly think my own daughter is jealous of me alpne& out of the blue she accused me of being friends wiv exs mates! she also said i ignored her on Facebook! well some people work! also iv got to the point where its best i cut ties & 4 gud iv had enough of them shittin on me so omit cutting.g all ties for gud Thanks 4 askingXxx”

“now my own son has started now! what did they expect! funny phonecalls & lies she told! You had your chance now you have blown it! get a life & leave me alone! now wots that saying calling the kettle black & never read rest of message! shut up blah blah blah blah.

“hey nothing can bring me down & i meen gud job lovely boyfriend & i deserve it after what i went through wiv the ex & my daughter who is nasty & spreading lies how sad & pathetic oh & the stupid phonecall plz u must have a sad pathetic& lonely life ooh lets feel sorry 4 u not!!! my time! oh & my daughter even told my fella she dont wana work yet! how lazy & if she thinks of spongeing off me up yours!!!”
“Oh iv been ignoring you charlotte well. I have a job now and have to get up at 4 in morning and tired went i get home its all you lets be sorry for you well wot bout me! My time get a job your lazy you ponce!!!”

After everything we’ve been through i have to say im just deeply hurt by her response to the situation. I dont even know what to make of it. Surely a mother shouldnt be reacting like that to her kids? I just feel like she’s fake, and that deep down she blames me for what happened. And that hurts. Because multiple times she’s said im a whore for what happened with me and her ex husband.

How on earth do i move past this?… Im not sure if i can. My mind is in overdrive.

Category: Tags: asked April 20, 2015

3 Answers

Honestly speaking you won't move past this, you never will. But that doesn't mean you have to live this in our mind over and over again. This will always be part of you, but don't let it be all of you. Move on, live your life, but never forget. These experiences, let them make you stronger, but don't hold onto them. You can still do so much with your life! Live it! Love it! Just enjoy!
First let me start off my saying i am so sorry that happened to you i cant imagine what that must be like and your mother is wrong to put any kind of blame on you ...you are STRONG you have proven that ....its not your fault you need to know that
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