I’m a few months away from my 20th birthday and I want to make big changes in my life. For most of my teenage years I’ve been getting lazier, I’ve procrastinated everything and just been getting sadder and sadder. My grades in school used to be on the high side, but they’ve slowly been going down. I never used to study for tests but still did good on them; I still don’t, but I can’t pass with flying colors anymore. I’ve gotten worse at school because my laziness, which has extended into my personal life. All of the adult things I should be doing aren’t getting done because I don’t put in any time or effort into doing them. When I do show some intent to invest in them though, I sit down and try to do them, but just end up slacking off and not getting anything done. I have a paper to do for school, which I actually have a great idea for and do want to do it, but after spending an hour thinking about it before being able to sit down and work on it, I just ended up spending 2 hours doing nothing productive. All of this procrastination and laziness has been making me so depressed because my life isn’t going ANYWHERE. I’ve thought about suicide as a last resort if I can’t get out of this rut, because I don’t want to live with my mother or anything for my whole life as a failure. How can I get myself to actually get anything done and stop being so sad and depressed?
First, remember that you won't be able to change into a productive, do things as they come at you person in a night, a week or even a month. To change even a little takes time, and that is OKAY.
Take things one day at a time. Try to set smaller goals. When you have a paper, instead of thinking about the ideas first and not writing any of them down, divide the paper into a checklist. Introduction, Paragraph one, Two etc. Give yourself a different deadline. Paragraph one due 1 week before due date, etc.
You can also try to record your ideas in a video or audio recording. Then while you're thinking about them, you will automatically shorten and confine ideas so that you don't go off on tangents as much.
I think it would benefit you to see a counselor. There are services offered in colleges that can help you focus, meet others that can inspire and help you either one-on-one or in a group setting. You can also message me if you want to talk more.
I know how difficult procrastination can be to deal with and that getting out of the rut is actually not as easy as just making up your mind to change. Keep trying and don't take yourself down because of it. Everyone has tough times and you're going through one now. You're still very young and there are plenty of people who have changed their habits around or worked through their problems! Please don't ever consider suicide. There are people who want to help you and see you succeed!
You need to remember even if you get on a rut, even a terribly deep one, that life is so long, soon 20 is going to feel like a long time ago and you'll feel like a completely different person maybe even a year from now.