Problems with sexuality, unhealthy obsession and trauma

First off, sometimes your body reacts faster than your brain so you shouldn't feel guilty or blame yourself for letting it happen. You even said you were resisting so this person knows that he didn't get verbal consent. Maybe you could try to find a new habit, or something to take your mind off of it. There are plenty of healthy hobbies you could get into or to help clear your mind. If you want any further help or advice then feel free to message me. Everyone has addictions (unhealthy ones at times) once in a while but that doesn't mean you can't beat them. :)

I went through the same thing with girls when I was 15 just one day out of the blue I was at work and a girl hit on me and for some reason I liked it. I mean at that age I had already dated boys and never thought of a girl in that way but idk what changed. It just so happens that I was about to be a freshman in high school where she was attending. We ended up dating for a year. I was raised in a good home and my family frowned upon that kind of stuff so I never told them. I honestly can say that we fell in love but she ended up moving due to her parents getting a divorce and since I couldn't tell my parents it was just to hard to see her and so I just had to move on. During that year that we dated I looked at other girls too and I was attracted to them but for some reason after my ex gf moved away I suddenly stopped liking girls. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it was just a phase that I went threw, I had to go along with the flow though to get to the end of it to finally stop seeing girls that way. I think the more you fight it the more you'll want it. If it's something that you think might be a phase too then maybe continue doing what your doing and maybe meet a friend and test the waters. Young people who are still not sure of there sexuality can actually be very secretive since they know how hard it can it. I'm sorry I've never really given advice like this. But with me I know it can hurt you socially especially in high school so until you know for sure keep it on the down low. Experiment a little maybe that's all you need to get over it or if you know for sure that you can't even stick your toes in the water then get a gf and I'm sure she'll help distract you from those thoughts. Best of luck

You might be gay, or bisexual, and it's ok. Every man or woman stumbles on problems occasionally while living their sexuality, it doesn't mean we should all abstain. If you put yourself in "safer" and more accepting places, like for example gay bars, you can work on understanding yourself better with the minimum safety of it being a more crowded place and relaxed than that spa.

It's ok to be gay or bisexual. It's also ok to masturbate. But if masturbating to you feels like too much to you to the point where you feel like it's a problem then you maybe should get help. You still have a whole life time ahead of you so maybe it's a phase. But if you feel that you can't see girls in a sexual way then maybe you are gay. It's okay to be whatever you want to be.

I see a lot of blame in your context. You appear to be trying to apologize for what you're doing.

You're likely just gay and feeling guilty about it. Don't. We can only be who we are. Don't apologize or feel guilty for not being what someone else expected you to be. Discern and accept who you are.

There is a lot to appreciate about the human body, including your own. Don't feel guilty for pleasuring yourself or doing what comes naturally to you. Being gay isn't immoral or "bad".

Basically, you're attracted to who you're attracted to. Fighting it will help nothing. If that's what you realize turns you on, then so be it. If you one day date a guy and love it, then by all means, do what brings you the most happiness. At risk of sounding like a hippie, labels aren't really necessary in sexuality, in my opinion. You love who you love. Sometimes people are attracted to the opposite sex most of their lives and eventually fall for someone of their same sex. You just can't predict it, really.