My parents are strict and have been strict all my life. Maybe it was because of their personal grievances against each other. Anyway ,
I thought that things would get quite better once I grew up but they got worse. But I have always wanted to love them and do whatever they wanted me to. Whenever they asked me not to go outside and visit my friends , I did not. Whenever they asked me to come home early , I came earlier than usual. But now that I’m 21 they are putting orders on me which are related with my life. Last summers they did not allow me to do a research ( a project ) in my college lab under a teacher’s supervision and asked me to stay at home instead. I got furious as this was the thing which was totally according to their instructions and it was nothing bad. For the first time I pursued it and said I’m gonna do this project. They kicked me out of my house but I came only cause I cared for my father.
My confusion got cleared when I got to know my mother is looking for a girl for me and wants to marry me off next year. And because of this sole reason , she wants me to get a job real quick so that she can marry me off. Of course I cannot and never accept that. I have my desires and things I wanna do. And you cannot just force something on me. I have a right to have my say. Plus I have experienced a troubled life . My parents were never happy with each other and they used to fight all the time. Almost daily. And I grew among such quarrels. They hated each other. My experiences of life have led my thoughts towards staying bachelor. And so is the answer to why I wanna stay bachelor. Now I know that’s totally illogical and some marriages are indeed happy and successful but I don’t think I’m quite upto this right now provided my disturbed nerves and thoughts.
That’s why I wanna get out and have my own life. And never ever come back again. But I have been lately questioning myself. Would I want to stay abroad all my life , work there and settle there and leaving parents alone in Pakistan ? t this time of my life I’m trying to set my goal and where I want my life to go. It seems that I have too many goals and dreams to go for and I’m stuck on the fact that I can achieve most of them abroad but not in Pakistan. I can be a better man and successful and have freedom to do whatever I want. But the opponent side of my brain says that I can achieve eveything while being here. I can be the same successful person here as well. At the end eveyone dies and gets laid under the dust. So why not spend your life in the country where the breath , people and faces feel familiar. My parents though are highly possessive of me and strict about my acts but I guess things are gonna change after I complete my graduate studies and start a job. They wont tease me any longer on marrying a girl and I would have the liberty I want.
In short , I ask you these questions please ;
1. Under the circumstances I have mentioned , should I pursue my MS/PhD and pay no heed to my parents ?
2. And then after completing that , Should I come back or settle there (which I guess I want to) ?
3. Or I can stay in Pakistan and work here cause I can achieve whatever I can over here as well. Once I start my job , things might change and I would not have to seek my parents orders everytime and I can even move out to another city. And still visit them ?
