I most likely have atelophobia which is a fear of not being good enough or imperfections. This does not necessarily mean I’ve been living my life perfectly. I just give myself a hard time when I don’t meet my ideals/standards. I am a perfectionist but I also procrastinate often… because I feel like it won’t be perfect anyways so why do it at all. I also get a lot of anxiety and been having trouble sleeping. Not to mention depression and crying whenever I’m alone. I don’t know how I became like this but it effects my social life, school, and just everything. I hate myself so much for being like this.
I think I’m not able to keep people close to me because of this constant thought that I’m not good enough. I’m left to be so alone. I think it maybe also causing my younger siblings to have social problems as well and I hate that. My parents probably see me useless because I just stay home and go to community college not choosing a major. I don’t know why I’m still here. I’m stupid and useless. I’m not pretty or interesting or have a good personality. Why do I keep myself alive.
How do I get better? I know I might have to see a therapist but I’m afraid to. I need to open up to them and they’ll know all my thoughts and judge me. How am I suppose to trust them. And also I don’t want to be considered “ill”.. I’m scared people might know somethings wrong with me. But I still want to be better now. I’ll try mybest to do whatever I can in order to be happy now. Please help me