I don’t like to say this or admit it, but I do get quite a lot of attention from guys. Maybe that’s also part of the reason I became bi. I don’t really know.
I’m that “pretty girl” who is shy but also outgoing and daring (I don’t know if you know what I mean) and who just spends her time working in the school cafeteria or just sitting quietly with her more loud and hyper friends. I’m that “hot asian chick” who doesn’t really get straight A’s but receives a decent grade anyways. I’m that type of girl who all the guys have crushes on, but never really gets asked out because they just think I’m cute, and that’s it. Most of the confessions I’ve received these few years were from random guys I barely even knew. It bothered me that they liked me… even though they didn’t even know the real me. I’ve dated two guys. I was close to dating another one, but because of my insecurities I had missed my chance. The first one was just to get all the guys out of my face, but the second one was sincere and genuine. I’ve been followed around by strangers and I’ve even been approached by a stranger twice. I don’t even wear revealing clothes! I hate the feeling of being lusted after so much that one day after an encounter with a perverted stranger, I threw ALL of my shorts that were shorter than the knee OUT. ALL of them. It was sick. And I just hated the fact that they all liked me for my appearance, and not for my heart or personality. I’m also really self-conscious about my looks. I dont’ even wear makeup! I’ve been gaining weight but it still hasn’t stopped the whistles or the stares. What do I have to do to stop this?!
I know people will kill for a good looking face but I feel like it’s a curse. I’m not even that good looking. My sister was cast into a commercial, but I wasn’t. I’m just average, and yet I keep getting bad attention from guys.
And like I said, I’m bi, and so none of the girls ever approach me. They think I’m a player because I’ve rejected so many guys. I’m scared to date another guy because I’m afraid he’s just going to like me for my looks and once he sees the “natural” and “real” me he’s going to leave me. The truth is I’m really tired of guys and I just want to try a relationship with a girl for once. But everyone thinks I’m a bitch who seeks attention. And I’m still in the closet which makes everything 5 times worse because I don’t’ even know who also likes girls like me.