My mom is getting weirder by the day, how can I help her?

My mom is so delusional and fucked up, and this is agreed upon by entire family(the whole tree), I want to help her so bad because I love her so much, she’s made life hell from time to time, but still, I do love her. She’s just spiralling into this whirlpool of self derogation and deriving anything against her from everything…and the weird thing is she speaks highly of her self, I’m so confused..she gets these volcanic eruptions where she finds any one thing and thing starts shouting for hours about it…I know she’s not crazy and their must be some issue at the root of this problem…but I just can’t figure it out.

I have a good relationship with her and always hug and kiss her goodnight and ask her about her day, sometimes massage her and I swear my dad also behaves nicely, he has amazing tolerance levels (towards her) and only loses himself like once in 3-4 months (yes , that is amazing, that’s how frustrating my mum can be). I’m in my late teens so I can’t really just give her advice (I’ve tried to open up with her but that didn’t go well). She just finds any irrelevant and twisted theory to justify that we all are against her.

Please help me understand this behaviour, any link will also be helpful.
Thank you so much for your time. Any help is aprreciated.

Category: Family Tags: mom asked February 6, 2015

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Progressing Positivity

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6 Answers

Your statement doesn't offend me. I'm not American. I took conclusions out of what I read, out of experiences and out of how you usually are. Sometimes in families, there are fights. This is pretty common.

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Rain

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CONTINUATION: and this is true for sooo many things, not just us family members, she is talented and stuff, she speaks highly or herself and then acts like no one loves her and stuff, and that we all want her to leave this home, which is soo not true, my dad is soo patient, loving and what not, she does have an icy relationship with my sister... You should also know that we're Indian, and indian women are treated like SHIT, well we're improving now...so I guess something from the childhood or twenties could be the root of it. I'm just bewildered.

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I think your mother must feel bad that her entire family sees her as delusional and fucked up. You're all acting like she seriously needs help and treating her like some kind of sick person. I can understand why your mother reacts the way she does. You might say you and your father mean well, but you both seem so pushy. You say she's delusional and fucked up, so you decide she needs help. Think about how bad she might be feeling about how everyone sees her. No wonder she thinks everyone would leave her. Just act normal towards her. You're not her therapist. You might have the best intentions, but that's not the way to go at it. If she really needs help, then she needs professional help.

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Rain

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@little-angel-2 Well maybe you're right but you got one thing wrong, we never do this pushy thing because we never want to start a chain reaction, trust me, I know what you mean and totally get what you're saying (I read about it somewhere before too) but this is not the case, we don't 'overdo' this, I was exaggerating those points to make clear that no other person in my family hates my mom or anything. Your point is abosolutely right, but we never treat her like a sick person (I know it sounds like 'this is just the thing some one who was doing this would say' but yeah, that is not the case). I've heard american kids ignore their parents a lot (no offence, idk if this is true) so I think this could be causing you to think that we're over doing stuff, trust me, she loves our how was your day and goodnight kisses thing, I do it genuinely and if I forget to wish her gn, she'll come and do it, it's a normal thing really, been doing it since childhood....fucked up was wrong term,I wrote it cuz I was angry, my mom and sis just had a fight, and it was only one time in my life, when I tried to talk to her about this, in fact the only one time, anyone ever has.

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@eddiepitts Thank you so much for your insight, that was really some eye opening perspective to the issue, and yes, that is true, she does feel less of a decision maker in the family but in a different sense than you think, see indians are used to having permanent household helps in homes, but now this situation is improving, so it's harder to get helper now and bascially, my mom thinks that the helper is more important to my dad (because if you lose one, it's really hard to find another), like my mom is taken for granted. I will definitely think about this, I made my sister read this too. Thank you so much :)

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Dear it's all cz of menopause, she's having behavioral changes just cz of this, it will take some time, ask ur dad to go travel with her. & explore some new place , she will feel better, as a child u r doing ur best so chill & give her time, cook her food n stuff like that, small efforts in relations gives happiness

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Emaan