Is this a bad idea?

Hi everyone,
So basically I have been using an online dating site the past few months, and although I’ve messaged a number of guys been on a few dates, it wasn’t until recently that I found someone that I seem to get on really well with; we have a lot of similar interests, have the same sense of humour, and have been chatting every day since we first started messaging about a week ago. He has asked me on a dinner date this coming Saturday and I’m slightly nervous but excited too. Now, a few days ago (after I had said yes to dinner) I got a phonecall from a friend of his to let me know that this guy has been telling all his friends about how excited he is to meet me, his friend told me that he is a lovely and sincere guy but that he has also just come out of a long term relationship and is still fragile. I don’t know how recent the breakup has been, and I’m not sure now whether it is a good idea to go on our planned date on Saturday or not. Has anybody had a similar experience? We are both in our early twenties and I haven’t been in a serious long term relationship before. Thanks

Category: Dating & Relationships Tags: #dating #relationship #help asked September 22, 2015

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cd90

5 Answers

If he is still fragile, then the solution is to be gentle.

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Humanist Hope

16,417

I'll pass on the "...What?" element of one of his friends somewhat tracking you down to put in a good word. I think it depends on how good you are at making sure this potential relationship doesn't turn into you listening for hours about his hurt feelings about his break-up while your needs and your problems are to be unheard of and dealt only by yourself and only if they don't take time out of nurturing him back to his old self. If you think you can manage containing all the issues seeping into your relationship from his previous one, and make it clear that he has to rely equally on other people and possibly a mental professional, yeah, give it a try. I guess you can still go to the date, after all you can as well realize immediately that face to face any spark is gone so it's not a big commitment, but also get more of a sense of what he's like.
Run away if he somehow slips it in that he loved women once but now his ex turned him into a misogynist so you'll have to understand if he now hates your gender.

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rinseandrep

7,397

I think it'd still be a good idea to go on the date with him. You can get to know him more, and see what he's like in person. He may still be fragile from the breakup, yes, but that doesn't necessarily mean he isn't ready to get back out into the dating world. Especially if you met through an online dating service. So go ahead and give it a shot. It could be worth it. :) Good luck.

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Hayden

1,213

yes, go on the date. Sounds like you both need it. Hopefully everything's gonna be alright.

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DarkStar

116

Hi everyone thanks for your replies. I went on the date and it was fun. There were no awkward silences and after a four hour date he drove me home. Although we got along well I'm not sure if he was attracted to me as he made no move to touch me let alone kiss me at any stage. My online photos are all recent and not photoshopped. I sent him a text a few hours ago to wish him good luck in an interview he has tomorrow and he replied with a simple 'thanks'. I'd like to see him again but I won't take it personally if he doesn't feel the same way.

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cd90