In these last 6 months, I feel as though my boyfriend is a compulsive liar because I found things that he had kept certain things from me and lied to my face about things I will mention in a bit. We are both 2 years and 2 months into our relationship, we’re both 19 years old currently and we are working long distance [50 miles apart/ he comes home every other week to see me still regardless of the condition we've been in the last week.] We often talk about our feelings and communicate a lot. But lately I couldn’t stand the idea that he kept lying to me about trivial things and now I can’t help but wonder if anything he spouts is true. I broke up with him 1 week ago but we still talk as best friends. He still tells me he loves me but I told him to stop so he tells me “I like you.” every night before bed. What I want to know is if I made the right decision to let go or if I let my paranoia [jealousy] get the best of me? Is there any exceptions to lying? Because I know we all do it but is there an extent?
Please note that he’s a very decent man. He’s intelligent, not a partier, not a drinker/smoker/nothing. He’s very introverted and is so genuinely polite.
Stuff that he lied about would be like talking to girls [not sexually or flirtatiously or intimate] but definitely showing interest in them as a person [I don't know if that's a bad thing or if it's healthy to get to know other people?] Another thing he did was talk to this girl [Tien] for an hour or so after he left me to go to bed early claiming he was exhausted and wanted to get off webcam. I left him alone and when i was playing with his phone the next day [because it was brand new] I found the texts and questioned him. He told me he forgot.. and sweared to me that he went to bed right away. I made him text the girl to tell him what time they ended the convo and she confirmed it. [this tien girl was a one time thing]. He normally doesn’t talk to other people that much. So that’s why it worries me when he talks to other girls at night. My boyfriend [ex i guess] and I normally talk everyday 24/7 since… the 9th grade. Am I too paranoid? I mean I read stuff like her saying she was gonna go to sleep but he continued the conversation anyway and like friendlily teased her calling her a “bully”. I was like okay… until he asked her about her plans this winter break [he knows Im leaving the entire winter break -3 weeks- to go out of the country with my family]. Then he asked her who she was gonna hang with and then he asked her if she wanted to hangout with him.
I was SO angry. He’s never been that kind of guy to ask other girls who weren’t even casual friends with him to hangout. He told me that he didn’t mean it and just wanted to make conversation. I pointed out there was a BUTTload of other stuff to talk about. I didn’t care that he talked to a friend. I care that he tried to hide it from me when cold hard evidence was right in his face. I told him no more lies. But he lied to me about going out to eat with 5 girls as a group too. He also tutored this girl from a different building in her dorm at 9pm twice as well for a chem test bc they had the same teacher and he told he there were 2 other girls in the dorm as well. [he confessed this to me after we broke up.]
I DONT know what to do. I DONT know how to feel though I still love him and I feel so hurt to have to find out about everything. Is this what couples do?? Do they lie to spare the other’s feelings? Am I just paranoid? Am I wrong? I don’t have any close friends to go to for advice. What should I do?
Please let me know if I could provide more details. I really need help with this so I’ll definitely respond.