I have never been able to function in society in a healthy way. I find it extremely stressful to talk to people I don’t know and also to be in groups of people. I have always had a lot of empathy with others and cannot relax without knowing those around me are okay. As I got older this care has turned into something that causes me discomfort and anger. I am still aware of how those people feel but the lack of care i get back makes me very angry, and sometimes makes me very volatile. I struggle with talking to people but am able to seem to others as though I am okay with it, I can even come across as confident sometimes. But then from nowhere I erupt and breakdown, this has lost me jobs and friends and other things. I have large shifts in mood over the smallest things and am becoming more anti social as time goes on. Sometimes I can feel awesome for a while then I wake up and I put everything into the trash, physically and otherwise. Dealing with this in the aftermath has become too much to deal with as i get older, and the lack of anything tangible to call my own along with the way I destroy my life intermittently is becoming too much to deal with. I am sorry to pester but i am at a loose end and nobody is listening to how I feel, seemingly to me because they always feel as though what they are going through is worse. I am so lost and feel unable to move forward with anything or see any value in myself anymore. Any thoughts from outside my head would be most welcome.
Hi. Speaking from experience, whenever I feel this way, I always look back to where it all started. Of all the things you said, the only things that stuck were 1. You have a lot of empathy and 2. The lack of care you get back makes you very angry. In a way, I can relate to your struggle. Actually most people who are sensitive to others often feel disappointed with the way others treat them. The key is not to expect something in return. If you do good things to others coming from a good heart, that I am sure you have, you must not expect something in return. The effect is, you'll be surprised that somehow the good deeds you have done, the care and concern will be returned. It may not come from the same people that you have given. Sometimes you'll be surprised that even strangers will do something good for you. All you have to do is look with a little different perspective.