Is control a bad thing?

Is it that bad to have control over people and life itself? I have manipulation and lying as a habit and use it on a daily basis to have control over my life and get what I want/need. Does this make me a horrible person?
I am asking this question to know what other people think. When I ‘manipulate’ people or tell lies, I am not intending to hurt them. I am simply trying to live like I want to, I do not hurt people, I just try to success in life, I like control and I’m good at it.
Okay, I edit this a third time already. I don’t have problems, that’s how it is when you have control. I do not manipulate relatives or people who are close to me. I have my limits. I use people to get what I want, though I control the way I use them, if I can I try to help the on the way. The only people I can hurt are those you hurt me in the past or try to now. Oh and I’m never freaking out, I am good at keeping my emotions under control too.

Category: Society & Culture Tags: control asked October 5, 2014

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Parker

9 Answers

3 accepted

The simple answer is that it depends. It depends on what you mean by manipulation and what you use it for. As someone who used to try and control everything I can tell you that regardless of subjective labels of "good" or "bad" it is dangerous. People do not generally like feeling manipulated and often if one feels that way it can ruin a relationship. All humans lie at one point or another but the way we go about it determines a lot. My advice is to be careful and try to question if you need to lie or manipulate in the first place. You would be surprised how often it is unnecessary.

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Levi-UR

970

Bad? Somewhat, because when things don't go your way, and it happens, you'll freak out. And the people who get into your life eventually can realize you tend to lie and manipulate and leave, or cease trusting you.
It just makes you a person with problems, who eventually will hopefully work on their problems.

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rinseandrep

7,397

If you do not care about manipulation or lying to get what you want, why do you need to ask people what they think of you? Their opinions will not affect you so there is no point, surely, in asking if your actions matter to them?if you do care about your behaviour, take some time to reflect and think it over yourself. Self-evaluate, and tell us what you come up with.

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marvelloustwig

159

see its not bad to tell lies to fix up some problems we all do that,but if you make your habit of manipulating people and lying then in the end you'll be in trouble because then you'll find lonely in the inside because all you have done is manipulate and control your life never letting anyone actually in.soon you'll realize a wall building up b/w u and people and u'll start doubting your very own existences not too late u can give up n controlling.i don't know exactly your part of story so my inbox is open for you if you need to discuss it furthur

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angie

168

In my opinion, manipulation is awfully wrong. Everyone has the right to decide how to act and people have to mold themselves based on it. Pretending to control how others act seems to me like trying to mold the other person, secretly living their life, preparing the enviroment for one's life to be better. It's a self-centered way of acting.

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Agnes, My Dear.

272

Pity. You're really pretty, but nobody likes a manipulative person. You twist words and maneuver other people's feelings in order to only benefit yourself. Manipulation is just a tool of the power hungry. And you're not even trying to hide this aspect about you.

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MichaelValentine

431

Here's the thing. You have to be you, like all the time. Even in those tomes when nobody sees you. If you don't feel right about what you do then, it's bad. Here's a warning. Someday, you will meet someone who will manipulate you the same way. Think of your reaction to that happening. If you are uncomfortable, it might be time to change. Until or unless you want to change, you won't, so just be careful.

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damaged

625

-1

not good or bad, just oblivious. My sister was a manipulator in her teens and very often got what she wanted too. Funny thing is, she never realized we all knew she was a bully and constantly manipulated the situation to get what we wanted while making her think it was what she wanted. It's really easy to manipulate people. Assuming your the only one pulling the strings just means your the oblivious idiot in the much larger game.

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Eldawyn

-1

Yes. What you're describing isn't 'having control' it's using lies and manipulation to get what you want by deceiving other people. You can say it doesn't harm them, but you're taking their time and other resources that they might not have otherwise given you by lying to them. You're actively taking away the ability to live how *they* want for purely selfish reasons.
This is the kind of behavior that can easily spill over into the rest of your life, and probably has in small ways even if you aren't seeing it yet. It's unhealthy, and frequently emotionally abusive or bullying to your victims.
In short: it's a character flaw at best, outright evil at worst, and unequivocally ethically bankrupt either way.

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Mechalith

324