I’m faced with two alternatives, really. When you truly, truly open up to someone, even if they say they still love you and they say that they understand, they either get it or they don’t.
You would think that I’d want someone to get it. To understand. And I did. Literally, I get in moods where i just talk and go on, trading secrets and habits for time. Yet, I only just realised how freaking dangerous this is.
I’ve had mixed reactions,
I took some pills once and my friend started crying, told the teacher and got me sent up to the emergency room for it all. She had a panic attack and for some reason I just found myself comforting her whilst i waited for the hospital van. Sucks.
Then there’s the other option. See, I tell my friend everything. Absolutely everything. Well, no, not in so many words. But in looks, and secrets and the words not spoken. I know that she knows everything even if she doesn’t know how deep it goes. Awesome right, somebody to talk to.
But I explain things and she agrees. And i exhibit habits and stupid behaviour and she wants to follow me. I’m so sick of hurting people and this way is so freaking tempting cause at least i know she gets it. But at the same time, if this keeps going on then she’s gonna get messed up, i know.
I had razors in my room and she just talked to me and we did the whole “Blood Sisters” thing. But then she was just like, ‘wow, that didn’t hurt as much as i though it did’. Like an idiot, I went off about endorphins and chemicals that numbed you and she just listened to me curiously.
I share trade secrets like, drinking while you eat helps you get full quicker. Water is good, it flushes your system and speeds your metabolism. Avocado is the death food, hundreds of calories. Eat slowly. Small things throughout the day. Don’t pack lunch. Don’t sleep.
And she copied me. Which, I’m not offended by. I’m worried. I just… shit, this is fucking ridiculous.
Not that things are bad. She’s still okay, i know that. But I’m scared of what little habits and curious ideas could turn into. That and I’m staying at her house for a week in like a few weeks too. I need advice cause I feel like I’m losing my mind here.
