Im feeling low and I don’t know why

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Hey so I’m new to this site and I don’t really know what to do but I just need someone to help me.

I’m 16 years old this year and just finished grade 11 in Australia. I have had previous history with food disorders and executing self-harm. This was going on last year and it was so serious I got help from a professional. That went very well and I stopped binging, purging and cutting with a few re-laps. I stopped going to the therapist in January this year because we both felt like we didn’t need to.

Then in about September and October this year I started to become extremely sad all the time. I felt hopeless and I felt that I was invisible to all my friends because my “bestfriend” was “bullying” me. But not that typical bully way, but little remarks that really hit me like a ton of bricks. Again I realised that something was happening to me mentally so I asked my mother if I could go back to the shrink. She said she was proud of me for coming forward and asking for help and I could tell that she was but then she went and told all of her friends and the family that I was going back to therapy and this made me extremely upset at her but I haven’t told anyone. So about 1 week later I went to therapy but this time it was with someone different because my old shrink had left that company, so I had to go with someone else. I had two sessions with her then I left because I hated the sessions. I read to much in to it and felt that it wasn’t working at all. I know it was only 2 sessions but she was pregnant and I was scared that when I needed her the most she would abandon me because she would have to give birth to her child. So the problems that I was facing earlier in the year (friendship problems) was shoved away in a closet and slowly disappeared.

For the last month there is something different about me. I’m on xmas holidays and I should be happy that I’m on holidays but I’m not. I feel like a have a hole in my heart. I feel lonely. When I’m feeling lonely I have the need to be with someone. But not in a friendly way of family way but in a passionate way. Where I can hug someone or go outside and be pro-active with. The only thing that is keeping me from slipping into old habits (ie. Purging and help harm.) is going to work(I’m a barista). Work is extremely stressful, but it is somewhere where I am active and I can talk to people, somewhere where I can pretend that everything is ok.

I’m scared that I am getting depressed and that I will slip into old habits of purging and self harm. I’m already binging and have frequent thoughts of purging and self harm. I’m just very scared and I feel that no professional can help me that’s why I saw this site and though that it would be a good idea to come on so I can talk to someone about this and ask my question.

Why am I feeling so low when it’s nearly xmas and I am very privileged to be living where I am right now.

Tags: asked December 6, 2014

4 Answers

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I've got those habits too, so I can relate. I think you should try going to another therapist or something. You might also want to have a talk with your mom about what she did and that it made you extremely uncomfortable. I never thought that therapy could actually help 0-0 you're amazing ! You actually made it work. Have more faith in yourself. Even if you do go to a therapist, without your own effort, you won't really progress or feel better. You know yourself best. Try your best and go for it ! :) Goodluck !!
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Hi Casey,

I've been in the exact same place as you so I know exactly what you're going through. The loneliness (for no apparent reason), crying to sleep, cutting, seeking company and things to do just for the sake of preserving what little sanity I had... those were seriously tough times. And the worst thing is, like you, I knew I had absolutely no reason to be upset being in the position I was in.

As to why you are feeling this way, I really don't have an answer. I never really found out why I was the way I was, and still do occasionally lapse into that kind of depression. However, there are some things I found immensely helpful to me, and I'd like to share them with you.

1. Surrounding yourself with positivity.
For me, that meant actively going out and making friends (which i'm really bad at) and also watching lots of happy YouTube videos (I love BubzVlogz just because she's like sunshine personified). And doing those lame positivity things like reading a positive quote a day and just actively pushing negative thoughts away.

2. Learn new things
It was a way to make myself feel fulfilled. You'll find that when you do things you find are significant and fulfilling, the loneliness doesn't eat at you so much. I learnt 2 new languages, how to bake, how to work with wood and lots of fun things like that. Maybe these don't appeal to you and you'd rather pick up a sport. Go ahead! YouTube is full of tutorials and the Internet has vast resources. Just do it. Make yourself feel like you're really living.

3. VENT
Extremely important. I used this site a lot, mainly the anonymous chatting, to just vent everything I was feeling. Usually, the Listeners are good people and won't slight your circumstances. Not all are that nice, unfortunately, but otherwise this site was so super helpful. Also, I tried to just continuously surround myself with people and strengthen friendships (with whoever-I didn't care). If you feel the need to, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE feel free to drop me a PM! I will be more than glad to listen to you! Also, subscribing to online forums and stuff can be really helpful!

As I mentioned, the problem hasn't entirely gone away, but it's getting better! I wish I could be a brand new human being again, but that's not happening, so I'm trying to train myself to have a bright and positive mind. It's all about feeling fulfilled with life, and not like you're wasting it away. Go out there and seize life, you'll definitely feel better.

Hope I managed to help at least a little, and don't hesitate to PM me for anything at all. Good luck!!
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Hii.. I agree with everyone above..I have gone thru similar phases for the last 10 years..I shud congratulate u cos u r brave for one and two u are actively taking steps to avoid the depression(unlike me). I think apart from venting and working and surrounding yourself with people, i agree strongly that u shud find a therapist who works for you.. i have been to several ones becos i kept shuttling from one place to another for work and studies..and yea it takes a while to find someone to connect to.. but atleast it will help u get past this acute event and give u backup for any future episodes. Hope it helped..and good luck..
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I have been feeling the same way lately. I think that one of the things that is causing you to be sad is that you are thinking about the hardships that you went though in the past, and that can make it worse. Just take a step back and think about how much happier you are then you were before, and see if that helps. And if your friends are bullying you, just leave them because friends are supposed to have a positive affect in your life, not a negative one. AND ALSO YOU ARE A LOVELY PERSON AND IF PEOPLE DONT THINK THAT YOU ARE AN AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING JUST DONT PAY ATTENTION TO THEM BECAUSE YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND LOVED. :))))))))