Hey so I’m new to this site and I don’t really know what to do but I just need someone to help me.
I’m 16 years old this year and just finished grade 11 in Australia. I have had previous history with food disorders and executing self-harm. This was going on last year and it was so serious I got help from a professional. That went very well and I stopped binging, purging and cutting with a few re-laps. I stopped going to the therapist in January this year because we both felt like we didn’t need to.
Then in about September and October this year I started to become extremely sad all the time. I felt hopeless and I felt that I was invisible to all my friends because my “bestfriend” was “bullying” me. But not that typical bully way, but little remarks that really hit me like a ton of bricks. Again I realised that something was happening to me mentally so I asked my mother if I could go back to the shrink. She said she was proud of me for coming forward and asking for help and I could tell that she was but then she went and told all of her friends and the family that I was going back to therapy and this made me extremely upset at her but I haven’t told anyone. So about 1 week later I went to therapy but this time it was with someone different because my old shrink had left that company, so I had to go with someone else. I had two sessions with her then I left because I hated the sessions. I read to much in to it and felt that it wasn’t working at all. I know it was only 2 sessions but she was pregnant and I was scared that when I needed her the most she would abandon me because she would have to give birth to her child. So the problems that I was facing earlier in the year (friendship problems) was shoved away in a closet and slowly disappeared.
For the last month there is something different about me. I’m on xmas holidays and I should be happy that I’m on holidays but I’m not. I feel like a have a hole in my heart. I feel lonely. When I’m feeling lonely I have the need to be with someone. But not in a friendly way of family way but in a passionate way. Where I can hug someone or go outside and be pro-active with. The only thing that is keeping me from slipping into old habits (ie. Purging and help harm.) is going to work(I’m a barista). Work is extremely stressful, but it is somewhere where I am active and I can talk to people, somewhere where I can pretend that everything is ok.
I’m scared that I am getting depressed and that I will slip into old habits of purging and self harm. I’m already binging and have frequent thoughts of purging and self harm. I’m just very scared and I feel that no professional can help me that’s why I saw this site and though that it would be a good idea to come on so I can talk to someone about this and ask my question.
Why am I feeling so low when it’s nearly xmas and I am very privileged to be living where I am right now.