Im 29 and still have a problem with boyfriends using porn

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As the title suggests, I am now nearly 30 and nealry about to destroy my 4th serious relationship over the guy’s porn habit. I have tried so many different therapies, anti-depressents, and other techniques to try and get over this one little thing but each time the jealousy and hurt just ends up overwhelming me.
My first question is, if I cannot deal with this issue will I EVER find happiness? Am I doomed to a life of loneliness because I just want a guy who is into me and nobody else?

My second question is more specific to the current (soon to implode) relationship that I am in. Contrary to what I said above, I did find one thing that really seemed to help my self-esteem and overall perception of men – stripping. Now of course you may judge but I truthfully foudn this extremelly therapeutic as it made me feel better about myself and made me understand men more, who would be brutally honest with me at work. So this a part-time job that I had when I met my bf. However, as things got more serious, he begged me to stop as he found it drove him crazy – I loved him (and thought I had cured myself) so I obliged. However, the porn-related insecurity started to set in a while after that and I asked him, in turn, if he could stop. Of course he refused, said its normal, blah blag. So now I am in exactly the same position I have been in before, except this time I am doubly hurting because I gave up something that was really important to me for his sake, but he wont’ even consider doing the same for me???? Like how is that fair?? So I feel like I’ve been completely walked over. But he says, the stripping isn’t normal so it was rational for him to ask me to stop – but watching porn is normal, so it’s not rational for me to ask him to stop. As far as I can see, why does it matter what’s ‘normal’ when it is clearly hurting the other person. Who is right??????

Category: Tags: asked June 23, 2015

2 Answers

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Well I don't want to be a referee here but I think men are just very sexual beings. And when they suppress that they do get anxious. My bf also would watch porn, I didnt like it at all either... We have been together for 10 years and now I could care less. I dont know why its different on a computer.. there is no connection. I have to admit that I also watch it.. and i feel zero guilt.. lol its not about him at all, its about me. Your not wrong but I dont think your right. If that makes sense.
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I don't know if the two things are comparable, it would be truly the same if he was also doing sex work and didn't want to stop. I don't know if you masturbate, and what you think about/watch while you do it, if you do it and someone asked you to stop, that would be the fair comparison.
That said, are you happy about this relationship? If the porn wasn't an issue, would you still think giving up stripping was something that you still regret? If you don't like how things are, and are unhappy, how much further would you stay in this, if things stay the same? If that time passes, and nothing changes, leave. In the meantime, consider telling him to do it out of your sight, and to not investigate it.