This all happened last year. I was a loner (and still am, nobody likes me besides my parents, and they’re forced to like me, I’m their daughter.) and I was being trash talked by another girl. She stole my friends and turned everyone against me. I was the school failure. Then I just gained this social anxiety so I spent my lunches in the school bathroom.
One day, I was just so insane and bored, I had nothing to do since I threw away my lunch that day, I going crazy. Then I got some paint and started writing and drawing all over the bathroom stalls, I ripped toilet paper and dropped it everywhere….I actually think the school deserved it, because I was mad at everyone there, I was mad at all the staff. It was the worst school I ever was in, and even after I stopped and thought about it, I still wasn’t guilty. I was fired up like a shounen anime character lol. xD And you guessed it, I got caught, Now, the school has this idea that I need counseling and I’m depressed, and at that time, I didn’t want it, especially from there, I lied and even tried to send the principal on a guilt trip, and it worked.
But the school counselor and the staff that was in the bathroom was still suspicious, They even contacted this CPS and made a huge deal about it to my parents. My parents usually don’t take my problems like that seriously and think I’m lying, I tried hinting to them about it, but they don’t get it. I convinced the CPS lady I didn’t do it, and the school year was luckily over, and I was fine.
5 months later, I still have thoughts of self-harm, I have dreams about death, and I actually think about using drugs and vape. Usually I just feel content, like I’m just simply normal. I cry sometimes, and I get my bursts of happiness. I like to be active, and I have some motivation, but I’m thinking I really need therapy, and I feel something inside me I can’t let go. I won’t ever go back to that school again, but I just feel guilty, and I really feel like I should be honest because I feel like screaming, and I can’t help it but think I’m betraying my parent’s trust… ;-; nya.
What can I do about this, should I be honest, do I need therapy, and am I a bad person for doing this?
Oh by the way, I still don’t regret the damage I did to that bathroom stall… I hope that doesn’t make me a bad person or you guys will hate me either. ;-;