Hello,
Ever since I learned about Borderline Personality Disorder a couple of years ago, I’ve noticed that I believe my brother may suffer from this disorder. He tends to have highly strong emotional reactions to things–specifically rage, tends to get very envious of people, has been sexually promiscuous, has engaged in risky behavior like drunk driving and getting into fights, etc., and has drowned himself in alcohol and threatened suicide when a girl broke up with him. He is a heavy drinker and the symptoms get worse when he drinks. He’s been more stable recently than in the past but I know that this may be more of a ticking time bomb than a real relief.
I recently saw a documentary on Borderline Personality Disorder and they said that the disorder is quite treatable and that many patients get a lot better when they finally get help. On the one hand, telling him might kick start his getting help somewhere and he might be able to have a happier and more stable life if he does get help. On the other hand, I’m also aware that people only get help when they elect to do so themselves, not when somebody else tries to control them. Additionally, the other negative side effect of my telling him how I feel might be that he will strongly over-react and do something unpredictable.
All of his friends, and our mutual friends, say he drinks too much. Time and time I listen to others’ complaints about him. He consistently disrespects and violates others around him, especially when he’s drunk. And he gets drunk often. He has developed a sort of terrible reputation that follows him everywhere. What’s worse is, whenever he’s confronted about this behavior, he doesn’t seem to give a shit. So it kind of seems like he lacks self-awareness or is indifferent.
I’ve also learned from this documentary about BPD that to have BPD, emotionally speaking, is to feel a sort of rawness all over the body–like an intense sunburn–and that the slightest touch can be painful.
I still love and have sympathy for my brother. But when I hear the crazy stories about him, how he cut someone in line at a restaurant and when the person confronted him, he punched the guy til his face was bloody, how he got into bar fights, how he slapped strange women’s asses, and even slapped a woman on her face, how he drank a fifth of whisky when his girlfriend broke up with him, etc., it not only makes me want to distance myself from him, but also makes me worried he will do something in which he’ll go too far and suffer extraordinary consequences (although, he has gone too far time and time again in my book). I’m afraid for him that all this behavior is going to catch up with him and come crashing down on him hard.
Like I say, he does seem to be less immersed in this behavior recently, and has even shown some sign of self awareness. He had over-reacted to something recently and then said “I’m sorry, that was a good idea. I don’t why I got mad.” When normally he would not admit fault like that or be self aware. And I feel it would be enormously relieving for him if he did receive help, because my understanding is that BPD is immensely painful and an almost torturous way of existence.
What should I do?
