Ever since I was little, I’ve always been the fattest person in the class, in the family, in the neighbourhood etc. That might make it sound like I’m obese, I’m not, But I am roughly 5-10 kilos over weight. It’s not too much, since I’m only 15, but being a 15 year old girl means people have high expectations from you, looks wise. When I was ten, I had huge issues with my weight, I’d gotten tired of being bullied and I stopped eating. I lost loads of weight before my mum made me move schools and my new friends lifted me out of my obsession. I then moved back to the same neighbourhood, but then issues started again, this time I started binge eating. I gained all of my weight back, and more. This year I lost weight, I’m currently roughly 68 kilos and roughly 1m 67cm. I hate my weight. I’ve started wanting to throw up after meals, and I’m trying to control it, but I still attempt to make myself sick a few times every night. I don’t know whats happening, but I do know it’s because my entire family spend the whole day commenting on my weight and I go to bed at night hating myself more than ever. I have huge self harm issues, I’ve been a self harmer for over 5 years and my urges are getting uncontrollable. I really just don’t know what to do. Everything is piling up and it’s getting too much. The issue is mainly that part of me doesn’t want me to stop myself, I want to let myself spiral down again because I’m tired of trying to be good, I want to give up now, I want my thoughts to do what they will. Maybe I’ll finally be skinny enough then. Finally my family might accept me, when they see me skinny with cuts all over. I don’t know. I’m so sorry if this sounds stupid, I just really need advice.