I’ve always had some obvious “autistic tendencies,” but they were brushed off because I did fine in school and didn’t appear to be too badly off socially. As I’ve gotten older and been forced into more and more unfamiliar (and therefore uncomfortable) situations, I’ve looked into the possibility that I may have Asperger’s or some other kind of autism. As I’ve researched, I found out that it’s generally harder to diagnose female autistics because they’re better mimics and more likely to try and blend in, and female autistics exhibit symptoms differently. Here’s some of the reasons I think I might be autistic:
I get extremely stressed out and confused in crowds, occasionally exhibiting panic-attack-like symptoms.
I feel lost and confused when certain things don’t happen.
I have very few close friends, and those close friends I have are not neurotypical.
I have to do math with a certain pencil or I can focus and get angry.
I tend to have pet research projects that I research exhaustively until I get bored with it, then I find a new thing.
I have a lot more feelings than I can express. I feel a lot and deeply, but I don’t know how to communicate them.
I am very sensitive to sounds. If a teacher leaves the sound system on, I can’t focus because of the static that comes from it, car horns/motorcycles scare me, etc.
I am very close to my dog and consider her my best friend, above any humans I know.
I am touch sensitive. If someone hugs me without warning or permission, I tense up and turn cold. I avoid certain types of clothing and I go without shoes whenever possible.
I can’t eat certain foods because the texture is wrong. I feel betrayed by fries because they look crispy, but they’re not.
I hate the common greeting “How are you?” “Good,” because it’s so insincere. I don’t want to say i’m good if I’m not, but people don’t want to hear my problems, they want to hear me say I’m good. If they don’t honestly care, they shouldn’t ask.
I love the taste of certain words and collect my favorites.
When excited, I squish my face and jump up and down involuntarily.
I also get occasional bouts of melancholy that last a couple hours, then I’m back to normal.
I HATE small talk.
When talking to people, I have trouble gauging how much I’m expected to share, and if I’m comfortable enough, I’ll just talk without letting anyone get a word in edgewise.
I read to escape unpleasant realities. And when I read, I will get angry when interrupted.
… So there’s a list. It doesn’t cover everything, and some symptoms aren’t specific to Asperger’s or autism in general, but I think that, taken all together, it suggests that I have autism. Any thoughts?