Hi. Well so.. (this is a long post)
I was this really happy go lucky sort of person and I enjoyed school and all that. I liked my friends and I was genuinely happy. But since the last few months, things have slowly gone haywire. Especially since two weeks. I’ve started disliking my “friends” and I’m pretty sure they don’t even care about me. i don’t have single person that I think truly cares about me. My best friend (online friend) told me he was joining the army (New Zealand) and he is going to the part where they don’t have internet (its sorta for discipline). So I won’t be able to talk to him after school either for 2 years. I have just 5 months left for high school but it still feels like eternity. I don’t think I can survive that long. Since the past few days, I’ve been walking around with a constant heavy feeling on my chest and I’m extremely stressed out. I’ve applied to college so I’m stressed about that too. On top of that, the two people I used to hang out at school with seem to be ganging up on me because the two of them hang out but they don’t really care about me. I feel sick and tired all the time and as soon as I get home, I have no motivation whatsoever. The only thing I want to do is sleep. (I’ve been sleeping A LOT) and I don’t feel hungry either. I’m losing my appetite and nothing is fascinating anymore and the loneliness never goes away. But I don’t have anyone to talk to about this either. School is better at distracting me and usually the heavy chest feeling goes away at school but seeing the two people i hung out with not caring about me brings the feeling back. Realizing that I wont have my best friend here for my 17th birthday brings that feeling back. Realizing that I have noone to talk to brings that feeling back. Listening to some songs brings it back.
What should I do? Do you think I’m turning depressed? I mean I’m not having suicidal thoughts but I’d much rather not have to see anyone anymore. I’d just like to stop going to school (although I could never actually do this) and go straight to college with new people in a new place.
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore and as days pass by, I randomly break into tears more and more often and I feel like I’m getting all the more stressed and depressed. I dunno whats wrong with me. Ugh. I dunno what I need. I just want this feeling to go away and to be happy again.
However, to anyone who takes the time to actually read through this shiz, thankyou. I really appreciate it.
