this is not really a question…this is me venting about something that’s been driving me crazy all fucking year..it goes for up to down all the fucking time…and it’s making me feel like I’m going no where…and it’s killing me slowly
to understand what I’m talking about…I’m in love with a girl..
yeah..I know..the dramatic intro I gave seemed unnecessary.
the thing is with me… I don’t handle falling in love like normal people do…I talk it very, very, VERY seriously! since I haven’t had a normal relationship with a girl in God knows how long. I’m very lonely in my life having a girlfriend is always on my mind. words can’t describe how I feel about this girl. (…Her name is Alix)..but i can sure try..
I’ve had strong strong STRONG feelings for her for quite some time. first time I met her in 2013..had a crush…later on..A very good friend…later..she drives me nuts…months later..A very close friend…then the feelings start to stronger and stronger..this year was no exception
(also I need to point out she lives 3 hours away from me…yeah…it’s a LDR kind of thing…it’s that sad)
we’ve been talking ALLOT this year..more than we normally did. to the point where I would feel empty with out talking to her…we’ve had many skype dates together.
and I always call her beautiful and wish her good night..
most times she would reply..(she has a bad habit of reading and not replying..”I Love Read Receipts!..said no one ever”)
but when we did talk…we would get into these really cheesy yet amazing convos. we talked about seeing each other in summer and halloween this year..
then next year we wanna see each other for a convention in Chicago and flying to England to see some UK friends Next summer!..(as far as i’m concerned she still wants to do that with me i hope) now all these things (except for this summer, she’s bring friends) she wants to do with me…she’s told me this..she wants to be with me in halloween…she wants to go to a comic book convention with me..she wants to go to England…with me. you can imagine how happy I was when she told me all this.
she’s also made some jokes about having sex with me (not gonna tell the jokes cause..well there XXX rated lol) sure they we’re jokes but she told them in a way where she seemed like she was Serious..( I can tell if people are joking or not)
She Gives me so much joy when I talk to her…I haven’t felt this way about anyone in a long time..these are strong..strong feelings I have for her..
but…here’s what’s making me depressed
she rarely starts a convo with me…and i mean…RARELY starts any convo with me…I’m always the one to messages her first…and the whole read receipts thing..she’s getting worse at it..most of the time it’s to questions i ask her and stuff like that..(hell I found out that most times she starts convo with other people in my skype group we’re all in) and not just that…she use to wish me good night as well…or tell me how sweet my compliments were to her…now she just laughs off the compliments and call them cheesy..(she told me she LOVED cheesy things…now I guess she changed her mind) and it makes me feel like shit all the time…and my friend matt (who knew her longer than I did) told me not to get my hopes up about meeting her…cause she might change her mind…so I’m like what the fuck…
it’s very UP AND DOWN with her…at first it seems like we’re gettign some where…then the next it falls down back to the friend zone..and this happens so..many…fucking…times…
some people tell me to move on…look for someone better….STFU!!
I can’t hear stuff like that right now…I don’t feel this way towards any other girl right now…it’s not that I refuse…I really can’t
to me….Alix..is the most Beautiful girl in the planet…I find her the most funny..the most charming…the the smartest…the classiest..the cutest…and the sexiest woman alive..the god damn moon doesn’t shine as bright as her eyes..even tho I’ve only seen her on skype video cam…she still breathtaking…
every time she does tell me she loves me..I always say I love her more…she says that’s impossible…she really has no idea…
when i see that she’s having a fun time talking to someone else on iMessage or Skype..I feel dead inside..call me narcissistic, I don’t give a shit..it’s how i feel..
the thought in the back in my head…to know that this may never..ever..go anywhere..brings me to a state of depression that I have never ever been in…
I’m gonna be doing something that’s gonna be really hard to do…I’m gonna stop talking to her for a couple of days..(or at least not as much as I use to)
and then see where our convos go from there..ever since I met her..no one else is worth thinking about…(I have told her this and she did say that was the cutest thing I ever told her..so there’s that)
I’m not the best looking guy…I’m not rich…I’m not clever by any means…but if I can just..be with her..have her in my arms…I would do the best I can to please her…to make her feel good…to make her happy…just like how she makes me feel…
if you wanna give your input, go head. and I apologize for any bad grammar or misspellings in this post…
but I’m sick right now and I couldn’t care less to double check it…
I love this girl now and the later years to come..
and i know she loves me too…just…not in the way I was maybe hoping…
