I just want to give up

I am having the worst year. Everything in my life is frustrating me right now.
I recently became estranged from my father who is a raging narcissist. He basically remarried a complete stranger from a foreign country who acts like a child on Facebook, getting into arguments with other grown women. Not to mention she’s probably just using him to get into the country.

My father offered to pay my student loans when he retired, because he was going to be getting a large lump sum. Well he spent that money visiting his new wife. So he’s basically left me with a ton of debt.

I have a job, that I hate, and it pays terribly. But its the only job I’m qualified for with the degree I have. Everyday I go to work I feel like bursting into tears because I know I can’t possibly be doing a good job. I just don’t care about what I’m doing. I have to deal with a lot of children and their parents and that just doesn’t work for my personality. I want a job where I can sit alone in an office without talking to anyone.

I’m in school studying to become a neuroscientist, but I’m nowhere near finishing my studies (I’m about to finish a second bachelors degree). In the meantime I’m fucking broke. If I get sick I can’t go to the doctor and I have a lot of undiagnosed medical issues. I still need help to pay some of my bills as long as I can’t work full time. My student loans are going to kick in soon and by then I’m going to be drowning. I’m afraid at some point I’m going to have to do the “responsible” thing and either move home, or give up on my plans to get my phd and get a job that will pay better, but even with the second degree I don’t have a good chance of getting a well-paying job.

I’m so depressed and frustrated most days I feel like I wish I was dead. I don’t have suicidal thoughts, I just feel like I’d be better off dead. The only thing that seems to be really good in my life is my relationship with my boyfriend. But now because of his financial situation he might have to move away, which means I’ll be alone and miserable.

What am I supposed to do? Go broke by staying in school, or drop out and settle for a job that I hate so I can focus on earning money?

Category: Depression asked October 3, 2013

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3 Answers

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Before I even start reading, I just want you to know that you should never and I mean, NEVER give up! No matter what. Anyways, regarding what you put... You should go back to school and get another degree so you have more job opportunities in your field or any job for that matter. You're worrying too much. Worrying leads to over-thinking and over-thinking leads to killing yourself mentally which isn't good. Take stuff day by day. Work on one of your problems, solve that then move on to the next. You're frustrating yourself because you're concerned about all these different issues. Your dad: Don't really pay him no mind, worrying about him just adds more unnecessary frustration. Stop worrying so much. Just pray each night and hope for the best. Don't give up your plans to get your PhD, because that'll get you a better job inwhich you want, right? So, giving up will still keep you in the same position with the same lame job that you're in now. Also, have confidence in yourself. "I don't have a good chance of getting..." you'll have a better chance than people with no degree at all. I say you should stay in school AND still work at your job. Save up your money. I also agree with BlackSnowflake said about changing your career field. Is being a Neuroscienist really what you want to do? Sit down and think about that. You don't want to be in school and waste your money on studying something that you'll later have doubts about in life. You need a break from your surroundings because if you spend anymore time in the environment you are in now then you'll drive yourself nuts. So take a break and get yourself together and try again with school. Best of luck to you!

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ForeignGoddess

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Hello,I very much empathize with your situation. I am sorry if my answer is not helpful. However, this is what I was thinking:Change your field. I know this may not seem ideal, but you don't need a PhD or a Master's to have a fulfilling life. Maybe you want those degrees. But you don't need them. It sounds like you're in a lot of distress. I'm not in ANY way doubting your capabilities. I think you're a very strong and obviously intelligent person to be where you are right now. But I think that people put too much focus and pressure on formal degrees for flashy-sounding careers without thinking of all the tiny, tedious things about those careers that actually take so much away from an exciting life.Also, you already have one bachelor's degree, which is more than most people could ever hope for. I would say that the most ideal thing for you to do right now would be to drop out of school, quit your job, and look for another job in the field of the degree that you have that you can do that isn't as people-oriented.If you have a very close relationship with your boyfriend, maybe you should move with him, and get a job there.You are worthy and valuable and I wish you the best of luck.

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BlackSnowflake

Thank you both for your responses! I appreciate the advice. I do definitely want to be a neuroscientist. I already have a degree in music and I'm working on degree in psychology - which will eventually lead me to studying neuroscience. I've enjoyed my studies so much, I just feel completely overwhelmed by my financial situation, its been difficult to stay motivated. I'll keep all of your input in mind when I'm feeling stuck. Thank you :)

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