I hate my boyfriend’s daughter, am I a bad person ?

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now. He has a 16 year old daughter who he rarely sees. She only comes around on holidays / birthdays when she knows she is likely to get money/ presents. His birthday/fathers day/ christmas comes and goes without a visit or card from her. She has lied to her mum a few times about things that have happened when she was here visiting us. I really actually hate her for treating him like shit abound for lying. I don’t like being around her at all, in fact he doesn’t even like her at times. am I a bad person for hating her so much. If she wasn’t his daughter she would be the type of person I would avoid completely.

Category: asked July 18, 2015

6 Answers

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You and your boyfriend are the adults in the situation and you should act like it. Can you imagine how it would make her feel if she went to a home where her father is dating a woman who hates her and, as you say, doesn't even like her himself? I wouldn't act well in that situation either. You're implying that she's selfish for coming around on her birthdays or things that will get her presents or money, but is it such a crime for a child to go see their parents on their birthday? She's a teenage girl, she's going to act out and be bratty, all you can hope for is that the adults in her life are standing by her and actually being adults until she can become one herself. You're not a horrible person but it sounds like the adults in her life need to get it together.
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It's not like I tell her I hate her and act like a bitch when does come. I act fine around her when she is here so it's not like she knows I don't like her. We actually bend over backwards for her when he is here to try and make her comfortable. It's not easy when she just sits there and plays with her phone the entire time like she doesn't want to be here. However you are right the parent should step up here as it is not my place to do so. Her mother spoils her rotten and everything she asks for she gets which is why she thinks it's ok to come around here asking for things. My partner won't say anything to her mother about it because in his words 'he doesn't want to start trouble between him and her' so she just gets away acting like that. If she were my child there would be no way I would let get away acting like that and thinking it's ok. It's not a crime to see your parents on your birthday but when you like 5 minutes away and only show up during the few holidays during the year and can't be bothered with him the rest of the year it does make him feel like shit. I just wish he would grow a pair and speak up.
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This is not a bad thing! Everyone has their own opinion about others. If you do not like her figure out what it is that you do not like about her. Talk to your boy friend about these things, maybe there is something that you can do to fix it, or at least cope with it!
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In the beginning we use to get along quite well. She then started lying to her mom about use. She would say that when she would come visit us we wouldn't feed her and we would just sit and eat in front of her and not ask her if she wanted anything. My boyfriend was very hurt by that because he would never treat her like that, he would do anything for her. We also bought her a Christmas gift but it arrived broken when we told her we would get a replacement she said that was fine, within an hour her mother was at our door screaming at my boyfriend saying that he probably forgot to get her something and just lied about it being broken (she soon shut up when my boyfriend showed her the gift). His daughter then sent him a message telling him to forgot about the gift she would get her mom's boyfriend to order her a new. That was another big slap in the face. She also asked to come over one day and I told her I would let her dad know, 5 minutes later her mom was on the phone screaming at my boyfriend again saying that her daughter was here in tears saying he didn't love her and he didn't want her there (I literally just finished telling him about his daughter wanting to come over, he never even got a chance to call her) This showed me her true colors, teenager or not no one should be lying and making up stories. I just can't stand that shit especially when we have been nothing but good to her. She is a spoiled girl who gets whatever she wants. Unfortunately I won't be another person to let her get away with it.
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Just because someone is related to someone you care about doesn't mean you have to like them. You aren't required to like your boyfriends daughter and you seem to have good reason not to. You're not a bad person, you just have your limits. I feel that as long as you aren't unkind or blatantly rude to his daughter its okay. You can't control how you feel about someone after all! Maybe you should talk to your boyfriend about this and eventually perhaps the daughter? After all it isn't healthy to bottle stuff up.
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Thanks for your reply. I have spoke to my boyfriend about it and he agrees that she is not acting right and he knows how I feel. But he doesn't want to say anything to her or her mother because he 'wants a peaceful life'. He thinks if he says anything then a war will break out and he doesn't want that happening. He has a personality disorder so he tries to just keep calm and not let things affect. Sometimes it can be a good thing other times it's his downfall. I am at breaking point and I don't want to lose him over her but I don't know how much longer I can keep going. On Saturday I posted on facebook and within minutes she was texting him about it. I removed her from my personal facebook and kept her on my business one as I didn't think she needed to be seeing my personal business and going back and telling it all to him. She got mad and the blocked both of my accounts. So now I will look like the bad person because I didn't like the fact she was checking my facebook and messaging him asking about my personal business. I still kept her on my business one so if she needed to speak to me she could but I guess that wasn't good enough so she blocked both accounts. Oh well you can only try so much. It's my boyfriend I feel sorry for because I am not the first one he will lose because of all this shit. Even her mother has broken up with a very good guy because of her.