So, me and my sis just finished watching an ep of a tv show. A main chara I really liked got killed. So, from the start, i’m pretty peeved. I’m upset about it, but my sis keeps saying that, oh well, whatever, doesn’t matter. Really rudely too. So, we have a mini argument about that. My mom yells at us to shut up. And then we go to our computers, and she’s sitting right next to me. And then she starts playing SUPER loud music on her headset. And I’m like, geez, loud enough. And she’s like, it’s only loud cuz’ I have one ear off of it, and you listen to loud stuff too, so deal with it. And Im like, wow, rude. And then we wait for a couple of seconds and I’m like, no seriously, it sooo loud!! And then my mom yells at us again to be quiet. Because she can’t hear her tv show. And then she throws a bra at me. Seriously. I throw it back. And I can’t even remember how we go on this topic, but I bring up how annoying my sis is being and making a comparison to this really annoying thing she said a couple of days ago It was like, we had a lock down and fire drill right after eachother during school. I’m in highschool btw. And my sis asked me and my friend, what if it was real, and some shooter was here and there was a fire. And my and my friend were explaining what would happen, and then my sis kept going on like, ‘but what if there was a big fire’ and we were like ‘then this would happen’ and she was like ‘but what if it was in the hall and the doors lit on fire’ and we were like ‘then this would happen but it’s unlikey that would even happen in the first place because of these reasons’. And she then goes on and on about how, but what if this, and it’s so annoying cuz’ she wasn’t listening. And then she suddenly goes’but what if there were vampires’. And my and friend were like ‘ugh, we’re done with the conversation;. And I brought that back up. And then we started having an argument again, and my mom threw the bra at me again because we were being loud. And I’m like ‘why are you only throwing it at me!? why not her?’ And then my sis starts telling my mom about the argument, and she;s flat out lying to her about what happened. Making up stuff we said., And I’m like ‘no, no! that did NOT happen! we NEVER said anything like that!!’ And she’s like ‘shut up, let me finish’ And then she repeats the lie. And again, I’m like ‘no! we NEVER SAID THAT!!’ I was getting so angry. And my mom was like ‘shut up! I don’t care anymore.’ and goes back to her stuff. And I take this pause in the loudness to say ‘we never once said that’ And my mom starts yelling at me like ‘Did you not hear me!! When I say shut up, i’m telling you to shut up!!!’ And then we both turn back to our stuff, and my sis continues to play her loud music, never once turned it down. And I’m like ‘omg! turn your music down already!’ And I’m like ‘what areyou even listening to’ And shes like ‘what? Idk!’ And I’m like, ‘seriously! you’re blaring music that you don’t even know what it is?!’ And my mom is like ‘Okay, kier, get out;’. And I’m so angry at this point. And I’m like ‘why, she’s being so annoying!’ and then we go into this whole argument. Like, how my mom wants us to shut up, and my sis goes back to the argument we had about school, and I’m saying how whenever I play loud music, I turn it down. always. And then my mom tells me to leaves, And i’m just thinking, no. I’m gonna’ stand my ground. I’m not doing anything. And she goes to get my dad, yelling at him to come at kick me out of the room. And so I put my headset on, start playing music, and my mom comes up to me, yanks my head set off, andstarts pulling on it. And I’m just freaking out, yelling at her to stop because shes gonna break it. And she throws my headset down on the table, telling me to get out. And I’m like, why. And shes like ‘because I told you to’ And I’m like ‘ because I said so, isn’t an actual reason. Ugh, and I go to take a sip of my drink and she takes it away from me, and I think she’s about to pour it out on me because she did that once to one of my older siblings. And she;s screaming at me to get and keeps saying, because I told you to. And she goes ‘this is why I won’t let you drive!’ And by this point my eyes are watering. And she’s like ‘its because you have anger management issues.’ And I’m like ‘oh, really, you think I’m going to be RUNNING PEOPLE OVER?’ And she’s screaming at me to leave. And she goes again to get my dad. And then comes back and again she says that it’s because I’m angry that she won’t let me drive.
And I’m like, yeah, because I’ll soo just crash into people on purpose. That’s totally a thing I DO! (full on sarcasm) And then my mom keeps yanking at my headset every singletime I try to put it back on. And then she grabs one of her pens and starts smacking me on the head with it. And i’m like ‘wow, and now you’re hitting me with pens. what a great mother you are’. And my sister is STILL trying to tell her story about our argument. And my mom is like ‘I am a great mother. you’re just a annoying brat!’ And so she grabs at the jacket i’m wearing and starts yanking me away from the computer. But I’m holding on, And shes still screaming at me. And then finally she lets me go. And then my dad comes up and he sort of smacks the back of my chair and is like ‘come on, you need to get up. come on’ And I’m like legit crying by this point. And I’m like ‘No, I’ve done nothing wrong. I’m just sitting here’ And he’s like ‘I know, I’m sorry, but you have to leave, And my mom is like ‘don’t apologize!’ And then finally, I turn my computer off and I’m storm off, but there’s a ton of chairs in my way so I angrily push them out of the way. I don’t even knock anything over, I just push it and my mom is like ‘See, this is why I won’t let you drive!’ And I’m storming off, screaming ‘THIS ISN’T EVEN ABOUT THAT!!! YOU DON’T EVEN CARE!! YOU IGNORE ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFOTABLE!! AND YOU JUST CARE MORE ABOUT YOUR FREAKING SHOWS!!!’
So now I’m here. In my room. This has happened so many times. My parents don’t even care. They don’t love me, they love the idea of me. They think they know my personality and who I am, and just go off of that, even if it’s wrong. They think I’m a weird cisgender straight daughter who likes to waste time with art and has anger management issues. My dad is a little better, he at least encourages me to do what I love. But it’s still pretty bad. They blame me for doing stuff without considering a reason or my personality. They favour my older sisters. There’s this word called ‘catharsis’. It means ‘the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions’. I’ve had that before. But my family just considers it a tantrum, from a whiney and bratty baby. Not a very serious and should be recongnized release of repressed emotions from a very depressed and distressed teenager.
I got suspended last year from school for something I didn’t even do. I failed three classes. I found out that most of my friends are very seriously depressed. My favourite class got cut. I lost my favourite teacher. And I hadn’t seen one of my closest friends in over four months. And my family had the nerve to say that nothing stressful happened to me.
I try to tell them about the ways they are emotionally abusive, but I can never get the courage to do it. And when I start to say it, they just get upset, saying how annoying I am, and that they don’t like to be called bad family members.
My sister had depression. She’s suicidal. She took counseling and used to take medication. You know why she should anymore? They forgot. They avoid talking about it. My sister was told by my father to stop talking about her mental illness because it upset my mother.
My friends are threatening to call child services because they hate how my family is treating me. My friends are sweet and supportive. They love me for who I am, and don’t reject parts of me. My family says that my friends don’t really care about me. They said that family always comes first and they my friends are real. That they’ll forget about me in a couple of years. I have been friends with them for almost 10 years. My family treats the things I love, like writing and drawing, as meaningless distractions that waste my time, and that I should stop doing those and instead watch movies with them.
My mother is homophobic. So I can’t tell her that I have feelings for a woman. A woman I met online. Who’s my best friend and I care about her more than the world. My mother doesn’t care about me. She cares about parts of me. The parts she made up, They cut me off from the people who care about me. The people who encourage me to keep living. I just want to get out of here as fast as I can. But if I did, they’d make me feel guilty. I wish I could get them to realize what they’re doing. Before it’s too late.
I’m crying rn as I write this. I just want someone to be on my side. To be there for me. I just want someone to not do what my family is doing.