I have a friend that I met through theatre, and our relationship is complicated. we are friends, and I hang out with him and his friends/roommates, but we dont seem to hang out just the two of us a lot. hes a bit of a jerk sometimes (hes very sarcastic) and I know he mistreats woman cause he cheated on his last girlfriend, but for some reason I feel drawn to him. sometimes he will be really caring, and he looks out for me, and it draws me to him, but I dont think it would ever work. its terrible because we have moments of amazing chemistry, and than we have days where its impossible to have a conversation, and its been going on for over a year now.
more recently though, I met a man during another show, and he is absolutely everything I like in a guy. but he just wasnt making a move on me (I never approach men, they usually approach me) so I decided to be bold and start flirting, I was very subtle, but I had a feeling he was kinda into me, so I was bummed he didnt make a move. a little later (after some more flirting) I found out he is married, so wayyyyyyy out of bounds. but even though I know hes off limits, I keep thinking of him and being excited whenever we talk.
I have a history of becoming attached to men who treat me poorly (my ex who cheated whom I still think about) so I might just be idealizing these guys because nothing will happen and its safe. but I dont want to be stuck in this rut, I would like to have relationships, but I feel like it would be complicated if im still attached to other men.
how do I move on from these guys and meet some better people?