I cant get over the wrong guys

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I have a friend that I met through theatre, and our relationship is complicated. we are friends, and I hang out with him and his friends/roommates, but we dont seem to hang out just the two of us a lot. hes a bit of a jerk sometimes (hes very sarcastic) and I know he mistreats woman cause he cheated on his last girlfriend, but for some reason I feel drawn to him. sometimes he will be really caring, and he looks out for me, and it draws me to him, but I dont think it would ever work. its terrible because we have moments of amazing chemistry, and than we have days where its impossible to have a conversation, and its been going on for over a year now.
more recently though, I met a man during another show, and he is absolutely everything I like in a guy. but he just wasnt making a move on me (I never approach men, they usually approach me) so I decided to be bold and start flirting, I was very subtle, but I had a feeling he was kinda into me, so I was bummed he didnt make a move. a little later (after some more flirting) I found out he is married, so wayyyyyyy out of bounds. but even though I know hes off limits, I keep thinking of him and being excited whenever we talk.
I have a history of becoming attached to men who treat me poorly (my ex who cheated whom I still think about) so I might just be idealizing these guys because nothing will happen and its safe. but I dont want to be stuck in this rut, I would like to have relationships, but I feel like it would be complicated if im still attached to other men.
how do I move on from these guys and meet some better people?

Category: Tags: asked May 19, 2014

5 Answers

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I once knew a guy like that. While he was so caring and sweet to me most of the time, he could be quite a jerk the rest of the time. It only got worse as time passed, and even after he went and talked badly about me behind my back, I still stayed with him for almost a year. Being attached to people like that isn't necessarily a bad thing (though it's not really good either), it could just mean that you know deep down that they're good people, and maybe, just maybe, the mean part of them will go away. I know I had hoped that with the guy I was with, and I've had friends go through similar things. As for moving on, when/if you're ready, look for someone who will treat you right, and hope to find someone that will be 10x better than the guys who treat you poorly. Good luck!
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If you continue thinking this is all your fault why you attract the wrong guys. Think again, open your horizons to types you may never have thought about. Maybe its that shy guy whos in the background checking on maintenance just before a show or rehersal. Don't be scared to get out of your comfort zones a little more often. You will realise how little effort you'd have to make if the guy is already into you. All you have to do is show your willingness slightly and you should be surrounded in no time. good luck! and good riddance to any bad blood you had with guys! your time is of the essence! never slow down to give unworthy people the time of day.
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do other things that excites u than searching fr love fr sometime ...give it a break ..in tym u may identify the best person to suit u ..
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You said you have a history of becoming attached to men who treat you poorly. Instead of focusing on the men, you need to focus on yourself. Why? Because on some level, you don't feel worthy of good men, so you go after those who treat you poorly because that is how you think of yourself. Work on yourself, and any issues you may have with self esteem. Once you feel better about yourself, you will be attracting much better quality men.
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You want to get over the wrong guys right? then cut off all the unnecessary communications with them aside from those very important aspects. Build yourself first,remember the reason why the 2 of you never worked out.forgive him but never forget the lesson in that relationship.if things between you and your ex or any of the guys you were attached to went well ,you two would have been together.