So, me and my moms were hanging out last night, when I suddenly get a phone call from my sister. She tells me to put my mother on the phone, so I did. When the call was over with, my mom was looking at me weirdly. Then, she asked me why I thought about killing myself. Now my moms know about my suicidal thoughts. But, not only do they know. But so does my sister’s boyfriend’s family. It went through 7 people before it got to my mom, and then my sister tells me that my boyfriend is the cause of it. But he said he had no idea, that he told his sister and she must’ve told somebody and so on. Later on, I was alone in my room texting my boyfriend. He said that it would be best for us to break up but he still wants to be in my life. I Really like him. I don’t know what to do. What do I do now that everyone is looking at me like a disappointment? How could I be His friend if I still have so many feelings for him? I’m confused >_<
Sometimes when someone knows something, they tell it to someone else and then it starts spreading like a fire. I'm sorry that this has happened to you. It's not nice of him that he broke up with you. You deserve better. This is a moment where you need him to be there for you and he isn't. It's not easy to remain friends with someone you feel more for. Often when people break up, they break all contact in order to be able to move on. It's understandable that you still have many feelings for him. It's going to take a while before you can let go. You need to move on, for yourself. It's your choice whether you think you can handle it to be just friends with him or not. If you want to get over him, it's better to let go. I know this is painful and I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. If you ever need to talk, feel free to message me.
First, if your boyfriend broke up with you because you've been having suicidal thoughts then he's not ready to make a real commitment to anyone. That's something he needs to work on. Second, I highly doubt anyone sees you as a disappointment. I thought the same thing a year and a half ago when I had my last suicide attempt. Those people are most likely going through each other first to try to come up with a plan to help you. My best advice is to sit down with everyone at once and tell them exactly what you need from them in order to get better
As much as you may feel at a lost with your boyfriend breaking up with you, you need to respect that he feels he can't handle your situation on such an intimate level. But take comfort that he still wants to be your friend :) he clearly doesn't want to see you hurt, and is concerned for you. But he may feel you're better off not dating until you're in a better place emotionally.
I'm sorry you had to experience your private life being passed around without your consent. It must have been hard for your mums to find out from someone other than you.
Hopefully the feeling of disappoint you think they have stems from them being upset you didn't confide in them before they were told- not disappoint in your feelings themselves.What you really need to do is think about you. What do you need to do to help yourself? See a doctor and explore your options, talk to your mums about it and build a support network :)
Best of luck x
He doesn't seem to be comfortable with your suicidal thoughts. Even though it's unfair to you, you need to respect his choice and keep your relationship to a more platonic level. I know from experience that dealing with a suicidal friend and partner is stressful and scary. One little word can extremely hurt the other so much that they become depressed and succumb to self-harm or even worse. Your former boyfriend may be scared that he will do the same to you, even though breaking up with you seems to be counterproductive. Take some time to be just friends with him, and afterwards, when either your suicidal thoughts are gone or your boyfriend is ready to be with you, you can consider your relationship with him. It looks like everyone in your family as well as your former boyfriend are concerned for your well being, and that kind of attention probable makes you feel uncomfortable. You can talk to them about it, if you want. If your suicidal thoughts aren't taking over your life, they should eventually get used to it. That's not to say that suicide and depression is not a big deal, but loved ones, at least from what I have seen, will accept your feelings and know what to do if they get out of hand. For example, my friend suffers from depression and his family understands and tries not to put him under any stress, especially when he has a depressive episode. Since these sort of things don't define you, your family will learn to understand and love you just as much.