hw to get closure

1

I am in love with someone who is married. Let me make this clear that i dont want him to leave his wife or anything. he is weird as he claims to love his wife and also fools around with me. Then suddenly he says he doesnt want to hurt me and stays away..and then starts again.
I know its wrong and also pointless since i am neverr gonna get him.
Please dont judge me guys. Please just help me achieve closure. give me ways hw i can move on.
I tried to hate him but i somehow cant..i dunno wat else to do.

Category: Tags: asked May 1, 2014

7 Answers

2
Remember the good and the bad times. A'lot of people will tell you to lock them away, well that's easier said than done. But if this person means so much then you cant just suddenly and easily cut them off this isn't a piece of string we are cutting off, we need to slowly cut off this thick cable. So to do this? look deep inside and look at the memories together, yes... its gonna hurt and it will be painful... But look at all the memories, the good ones, the bad ones, the times when you felt like everything came crashing down, the times you wish the impossible was real and maybe what if he wasn't married? Let your emotions flow cause this is what you want, let them flow out of you; cry, laugh, jump around LET YOURSELF GO! Now that you're open and all these emotion are out there, take a pen/pencil and paper, yes paper and just write freely. Don't just skip this, the power of the written word has conquered and united kingdoms, the power of the written word is endless. Now that you've written all of this ask yourself? are you blaming yourself or him? are you being bias? is this logical? If you blamed yourself, ask yourself why? is it really your fault? or did all of this MAKE you think it was your fault? now list the good things you've done, when you're done look at what you've wrote and realize that you have no reason to blame yourself. If you blamed him then list down everything bad or wrong that he has done, now look at that list and ask yourself why did you waste so much time on this? why did he take so much of your time for these reasons? Now learn from your mistakes, learn what went wrong, what you've learned, we all make mistakes, the pain of this person leaving...just hurts... and that's okay. Now take everything he has gotten you or anything that remind you of him and get rid of it! Slowly just say good bye to everything, maybe is was jewelry? and you're thinking oh its expensive I should keep it? but at the same time when you look at it you will think back of the memories you so wish to let go. This will hurt but you have to do this, you're walking away and getting closure. Tell your self that you're stronger for everything you get rid of that reminded you of him. Enjoy being single. Every morning when you wake up, tell yourself how wonderful you are and how that it's a brand new day that is unfolding for YOU. Walk to your wardrobe and wear what you want to wear. Make yourself pretty and beautiful knowing that there are a lot of people out there waiting to admire you. Start to learn to love yourself. Meet up with friends who you've lost contact with during the relationship and make new friends. You might still be tormented by memories of that person. It will be normal. But give yourself a timeline. It can be a week or a month or two but tell yourself when that day comes,that will be the day when you must stop wallowing in self pity and angst and start life anew. You can do it!
1
Don't be a glutton for punishment. I suggest cutting this off from the source trying as hard as you possibly can. Easier said than done, but it seems the only person who can truly give you closure in this situation is you. Stop playing with fire. I'm sure you deserve much better. Everyone makes mistakes and that's OK! However, not only is he hurting you and his wife, you are hurting this woman indirectly. Best of luck to you.
1
Hate isn't the opposite of love, apathy is. Get over him since he already chose his wife. It will get better after some time. Get busy. Meet new friends.
1
This is like "Stay" by Sugarland. This man is a very selfish one and I hope you see that. I'm not judging- you can't help who you love, but let me tell you this- men who cheat in marriages are cowards. They don't want to leave their wives because they're afraid to be alone, but stray because they feel they need attention. Do you think he truly values you or RESPECTS you? what about his wife? Is that a man you truly want to waste time on? I just know you can do better. You deserve better. You deserve a guy who is so enamored by you, that he has no time or true interest in other women. I'm here to talk if you need anything. Love yourself first and I promise you, you will never deal with bullshit like this again.
0
Stay away from the man. Sabotage any future possibility of being with him by telling him not to come back and then tell someone close to you about what's going on. Blow the secret out of the water and you won't have the privacy to continue the affair.
0
@Joe that was profound.. i will try and do it. Thanks everyone.. the problem is sometimes im alright and sometimes it starts hurting so badd.. i feel everything is collapsing around me..i dont want to pile on to him.. i just need to move on
0
thanks @ChildoftheUniverse..that kinda helped.. i knew he was selfish but i felt i was just being jealous and indignant cos i cudnt get him