My fetish is ruining my life. I have a femdom fetish (basically the female controls the male) and its making me feel bad about myself but i keep going back to it and cant stop it. I want to stop masturbating completely. How can i get my brain to stop craving this?
I'm a guy switch in the Domination submission Lifestyle, just for the record, so I do understand the thrill of being controlled and of controlling someone else. Most of the time, fetishes are pretty normal actually. You haven't stated exactly how you feel it's ruining your life. Emotionally? Or in some other way? When I first realized I had fetishes, I was sexually inexperienced and ashamed of myself for being aroused by that kind of thing. However time, experience, and age has taught me that it's no big deal and there are lots of people who openly explore their fetishes. When I embraced myself for who I am, I was much happier. Is your problem simply that you haven't embraced that about yourself? Or that you don't want to?
If by chance, your fetish is cropping up at inappropriate times (at work, at school) or is hurting you in some way (financially, emotionally, romantically) then that's something to look at fixing for sure. There are types of therapy programs that will help you curb a fetish and supposedly get rid of it, but it takes a lot of time and work. If you'd like information on those, I'm happy to provide it to you. Most people simply choose to control their fetishes. The trick is to break it up and not make it a routine but more of a special treat. That does take some control, but when you make something a routine, then it's an addiction you have to have at that point.
If it's a relationship issue and you're wanting to be with someone who isn't into your kind of kink... then that's a bit more tricky. I've personally dated a lot of vanilla people who weren't kinky and I gotta say that I may have cared for them but I was not satisfied in the relationship at all. Eventually I started dating individuals who were into the same kinks. It made me happier. At the moment, it's just a matter of finding someone I love who shares the same pleasures in life. I don't know if that helps you any to know that you're really not alone and that lots of people explore that side of them. I wish I could help more, but that would require understanding the problem in greater detail. If you wish, you may message me on here and I'll be happy to be in your support system or to talk about your problem in depth. Take care!
I'm the complete opposite (f/sub) but go through similar thoughts of wanting to get rid of it and then next thing accepting that it's alright to have different preferences. Message me if you'd like to talk some more, we could maybe help eachother out here.