This is hard to explain. I spend a lot of time convincing myself I’m OK, and making sure other people think so too. In a weird, fake it til you make it way, it kinda works. But sometimes it really doesn’t. I get overwhelmed from 2 fronts: the weight of everything awful that people do to each other in the world in general, and the anxiety of having to deal with my own life. I get stressed about all the annoying things I have to get done but don’t have the energy for, and miss out on doing the things I want to do. It fills my head with noise and stops me writing stories which is my major passion. I have this dream to write a few books and become a full-time author, but it feels so out of reach when my creativity is being drained away.
But… I’ve never done anything dangerous, I’ve never self-harmed or had suicidal thoughts. My job stresses me out but I have supportive coworkers. My friends and family are far away but we talk online, and I live with my long term partner who is awesome and tries to help me accept my feelings even though it upsets me and I hate talking about it.
So I don’t know. I feel like I’m just being whiny with my first world problems. Last week I wished I had a mild form of cancer so I could get a few months off work. I have no idea how unusual that could be because people don’t talk about that kind of stuff. I’d be grateful to get some opinions.