How do I stop myself sinking back into depression?

Hello again, Charlie.

The big hint was "I’m worried and desperate". There is your trouble; you are dreading a decline so deeply and so frequently that the act of dreading is bringing on the depressive state that you detest so much.

You just had a fantastic experience with your boyfriend. You feel happier and fulfilled. Take strength from that positive experience, don't focus on him not being there, focus on how it helped you and hold onto that strength and sense of security. You are focusing on the problem. Focus instead on the solution, and do not accept the answer "I don't know".

The Law of Unintended Consequences and the Wizard's Second Rule both state that "the greatest harm can result from the best intentions". You want so deeply to avoid sinking back into depression that you are worrying yourself back into depression. Take a few slow, deep breaths, take a long, hot soak in a bathtub and RELAX!

Remind yourself that it is okay for you to be happy. Just because you have been upset frequently up to this point, it does not mean that you have to stay upset after it. Don't be passive with your depression. Be aggressive with yourself. Depression is a slowing down of the mind, so get your mind active and moving quicker. Get your body active and moving quicker. Find constructive things to do and accomplish.

When you are busy and doing things, there is less time for discontent, and when you are accomplishing things, there is less room for depression to tell you that you aren't doing anything worthwhile. Begin to surround yourself with accomplishments and take pride in the things that you do.

In order to change your thinking, you must also be willing to change yourself.

Remember that it is called the "pursuit" of happiness, because it is something that we chase. Chase it. Chase it hard, and aggressively throw aside your depressive thoughts, but pay attention to where they come from so that you can discern what part of your psyche is ailing. If you feel weak, do things to empower yourself, if you feel useless, get productive, if you feel lonely, get yourself around people, and if you feel lacking in any other way, get proactive.

Learning to control emotions is one of the most difficult pursuits in life and most of us never attain that manner of control. Most people are unaware of the fact that emotions can be controlled, but begin to teach yourself to snag ahold of negative emotions when they spring up, give yourself a mental shake and assert in your mind that you will not allow yourself to go back down that path.

I know it is hard, but it is worth the effort to be happy. Have faith in yourself and in your own strength. Value yourself for your own sake, don't rely on another person to be the only thing that makes you happy. Esteem yourself higher and without conditions for your worthiness. Love yourself because you deserve your own love.

In the U.S. call 1-800-273-8255 For Chat: Suicide Prevention LifeLine For Each State - http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html IMAlive - https://www.imalive.org/ Crisis Call Center - Criss ServicesTry these links, honey. Do you have a religion, btw?Remember, suicide may give you release, but your loved ones will still stay, wondering what they could have done to help you stay away from such drastic measures.I am so sorry that you have had such a hard time, only God knows how much pain you have gone through and how exhausted you must be. There is always a solution, but it is not suicide, because you have a reason to live: A wonderful boyfriend who thinks the world of you. You are lucky, querida, remember this.Now me personally, I think you need a change, for example a change of scenery or a change in your normal routine that will give you a purpose and something to do...I'd say volunteer at an orphanage so it will take your mind off your own suffering.I hope you continue to flourish, honey. Good luck and message me if you want to talk some more. <3