So for the last few months I’ve been increasingly depressed and suicidal, I’ve been in A&E for suicidal intent, I had to see a crisis team every day for two weeks, almost got admitted to the psych ward for a while, I’ve had doctor’s appointments and mental health assessments and blood tests and my life has been hell. I am diagnosed with depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder, and I also have an EDNOS and I self harm frequently.
For the last 2 weeks my boyfriend has been staying with me (I’m in an ldr, he lives 400 miles away), but he went back home yesterday and I don’t know what to do.
I’ve been so happy and full of life and excited for the future, and although I did have a few times where I was feeling very low and suicidal or having urges to harm (I mean, depression doesn’t go just like that, it still affects you even without reason), he got me through them and I was happy again, and I’ve eaten well and had exercise and wanted to go outside and face the day and stuff…
I’m just really scared of slipping back into that depressive state where I can’t face anything or do anything and feel like a complete wreck and a failure. I don’t want to become a danger to myself again, but I have no idea how to stop it from happening!!! I want to be happy still, like I was when he was here… but I just don’t think it’s possible.
Does anyone have any tips or advice to help me stop myself from declining again? Or at least to slow the process down… Please? I’m worried and desperate, I don’t want to put him through it all again, having a suicidal, mentally ill girlfriend isn’t exactly fun for him… please someone help?!