How Do I Cope With Rape And The Consequences ?

Just to say, you've been really brave with coming on here and talking about your present situation where not many would be able to do that so well done. Now unfortunately this isn't something which you will get over easily, in fact it's highly likely that it will remain with you for the rest of your life but that doesn't mean that you'll be sad and miserable throughout. It's always going to be there but you have to try and enjoy life to it's fullest and not let anything get you down. Also it can be really hard to make yourself understood, especially to those who haven't experienced rape or abuse thus why your other half may have difficulty understanding. Have you tried sitting down with him and explaining how important it is to you that he understands how it's affecting you? Perhaps he doesn't realise how much of an impact it's having on your life but you've got to try and make him understand. It may not be easy for him and for you but don't feel like you've got to stop there. If it's only your boyfriend who has trouble understanding try seeking support from others as well, like your close friends or relatives. They care about you too so don't feel like you can't go to them for help or support. I hope this helps.

-Try to recognize what is happening in your mind: Make sure you stay with facts and only facts. Don't ask your self what if. Don't dwell on what might might have been.What occurred is what happened, and nothing the Mind makes up about it is real. -Bring yourself back to the present moment: If you ever find yourself re-living your experience, bring yourself back to the present moment by taking a deep breath. Focus on the things around you. Move your toes. What do you smell? Think about the chair you are sitting on. Look outside and think about night and day.You cannot do these things in any other moment than the one in which you find yourself, but also realize that, at least initially, you might have to do this exercise a thousand times a day. -Take a breath before taking action: Many of us medicate our emotions through action. If you don’t take a breath and try to think clearly before you act, you can expend a lot of energy doing things that are not really constructive and which might even be destructive. If it is impossible for you to evaluate your action, ask a trusted friend who has no investment in the outcome whether or not it makes sense to take the action you want to take. On the other hand, if you are paralyzed when you know you need to act, breathe your way through it and do the best you can. Wait out your emotional wave before making any big decisions. After a traumatic event, the emotional wave is like a tsunami, and its power to distort your reality is very great indeed. Wait, wait, wait and wait some more. The dilemmas created by turbulent emotions usually resolve themselves into emotional clarity with the passage of time. Since most of the things you think when you are terribly upset are not altogether true, wait until your emotional wave has subsided, and don’t think for a minute that getting the decision behind you will solve anything, especially if that decision is made prematurely. -Feel your feelings: Try to distinguish how you feel from how your emotions are reacting. You may feel angry at the way this is affecting your life. You may feel confused about the things which you do not understand about this. You will no doubt feel tremendous grief and sadness over what has been lost, even if the loss is just a starry notion you once held dear. Feelings happen in the present moment, and they are responses to what is happening right now. Emotional reactions are about the past or the future. What are you feeling right now about right now? -Don’t make stuff up: The past can only be experienced as a memory, and the future is purely speculation. The story-teller in your Mind wants to wrap its script around the facts of the past and imagine what the future holds. No matter what happened before this moment, the moment is all there really is. Distortion of reality compounds itself when you believe in a future you imagine, based on what you make up about the past. Break the pattern of making stuff up by asking yourself, “Is that really true? Or did I make that up?” -Work on accepting what happened. One hallmark of trauma is our massive emotional resistance to embracing that the trauma occurred at all. We may long for the idyllic or peaceful time before the trauma and desperately want back whatever we lost. We may wish with all our might that we had made a different choice than the one that led up to the traumatic event. If we believe we made a mistake that resulted in the event, we may dwell endlessly on wishing we hadn’t done whatever it was. None of this is productive because what is so cannot be undone. In time we can work to accept what has happened, and the sooner we work toward acceptance, the sooner we will be able to feel at peace again. -Seek appropriate help: If you realize you are not able to let go and move on by yourself, seek appropriate help. Friends and family may not be the best people to provide you with ongoing support. You may want to consult with a trained counselor or spiritual adviser instead.As for your partner, what exactly do they not understand about it?I can not begin to express how sorry I am. No one should ever be put through that.