How do I cope with my mother’s behavior?

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A while ago, I was diagnosed with Non-Verbal Learning Disorder. For me personally, this means that I can’t get direct cues, I miss sarcasm/jokes, and visual cues are hard for me to read. I take things at face value. Mom has been becoming increasingly difficult and making a toxic living environment; either she becomes a know-it-all about the disorder, or she forgets I have it completely. It’s hard to trust her with anything, since when I try to discuss things with her, she gets defensive and refuses to listen, and just blame everything on me. I only have therapy once a week and don’t have my license yet; no friends around, either. So how do I cope until therapy next time around? I’m finding it increasingly more difficult.

Category: Tags: asked May 19, 2013

3 Answers

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I would tune her out. In other words, ignore her. If you don't like what she has to say to you then pretend that you didn't hear it. Then talk to your therapist about it because I'm sure they will have better coping mechanisms.
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Could always laugh suddenly and go "oh mom you're so funny" and walk off, leaving her standing there with a wtf expression. That's more something I would do cause I'm a smart ass and I like getting even with my parents rather than getting mad. But yes, ignoring her and avoiding her would be a good start until you can speak to the therapist for better ways to deal with her. He might be able to talk to her himself about what's going on if you want him to.

For now, find reasons to not be around her and do your own thing so you don't have to see her right now. Listen to music in headphones if you have to be around her and pretend you don't hear anything she's saying while casually wandering away when she starts talking. Take your homework into the room if she calls you and continue to focus on that while just nodding to everything she says and interrupt her with questions on your homework if you really feel the urge to shut her up. I used to shut myself in my room to avoid my parents. Was cooler stuff to do in there anyway. Eat dinner early before she gets home if she works so you don't have to eat with her and can just say "oh I ate earlier". Or you know, sneak food to your room when she's not looking so you can eat dinner there later.

If she nags on you about chores, make sure they're done before she's there so she won't have a reason to call you down from your room. If she yells for you, before you go down call a friend on your cell phone if you have one and head down to your mom once you're talking. This way you have a call on the line, if she asks what you're doing, say you're working on a project with your group for school. Best to make sure your friend knows what you're up to. If you have cordless land line phones in the house and your mom yells for you, have a sales company's number handy and dial them for a quote (for example car insurance), then head over to her. Tell the person on the phone just a second, then cover it and tell your mom you were talking to a friend and someone called for her, then hand the line off and walk away. Let her deal with that. You can use a chatty relative for the same thing. Call em and talk for a minute then pretend you finally heard your mom and go see her with the phone. "Oh Mom, grandma's on the phone, grandma I think mom wants me to do my homework now, you wanna talk to mom? Okay." Hand off, touchdown and score. If you're chatting online and mom yells, tell your friend to give you 3-5 minutes and then call so you're conversation with mom is interrupted.

There are lots of tricks to ignoring your parents or diverting their attention. Get creative and have fun with it. It can be entertaining sometimes to watch them fumble. But that may be the deviant in me talking. You know your mom better than all of us, don't do anything that you think would cause you too much trouble. But definitely come up with at least a short mental list of strategies you can use to avoid her until therapy day. Don't use the same one back to back. It'll seem more like life is randomly interrupting her if all the interruptions or accidental avoidances are different. Then discuss it with your therapist.
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I think you should talk it out with your mum. Tell her how you feel when she does that. If that doesn't work out, talk to your therapist about it.