How can I end this friendship?

0

I have a friend that I don’t want to keep in my life. She has not really done anything wrong, but she just reminds me so much of a time and place where I was very unhappy. Each time I see her I kind of fall back into the feelings I had then, and I don’t want that anymore. I have now moved away, started a new life and completely let go of the old one. However, this friend wont seem to let me go. She keeps calling and asking me to let her come and visit. This would not be too difficult if we lived close to each other, then I could take it every once in a while. But we live in different countries which means that the only way for us to meet is if one of us goes for at least a weekend or more to stay with the other. This is too much for me, and I don’t want to do it anymore. Yet she wont leave me alone. How should I deal with this? Can I just stop answering her calls and replying to her mesages, or should I tell her about how I really feel? Is it cruel of me to do this? I feel bad about this of course, but the thought of keeping her in my life is even worse. Anyone have advice?

Category: Tags: asked September 18, 2014

4 Answers

0
accepted
1
I think you could use some time off, without being final about it. It can mean answering their calls or messages only when you truly feel like it. You can just do it indirectly, or be open about it and let them know you need some time off from them (if you do it this way, avoid engaging them in a discussion on how this is good, or fair, or right, just tell them and then stick to not replying their messages). And as time passes, you get to understand better if it's something you really want, or it's just a phase where you can't stand them.
1
What's the point of selflessness if it means you're going to suffer? Logically, all of us being unselfish all of the time, doesn't make sense. There's a time and a place for compromising, or shelving our own desires, and this isn't one of them. It's unfortunate, but it seems she's a drain on you, so as recommended by others, be straight, but kind.
1
The reason why she is desperately trying to hold onto you, is because she is probably lacking friends in her life. If I were you, I'd keep my answers to her short and vague. Make an excuse for why you can't visit. Don't ignore her calls and texts because that's rude. If you try and tell her the truth it is likely that she won't understand. At first she will seem confused and hurt by your short answers, but then she will move onto new friends. Hope this helps
1
The point isn't if it's selfish or not, in fact it doesn't really matter if it is because you need to look after you, and you can't exactly be a good friend to her if your somewhat resenting her so I would suggest it'd be better for her in the long run if you are honest, in a kind manner, and let her know she needs to move on, or just that because of how you're feeling you need some space for a while. That's totally okay.