Help! This guy is obsessed with me. How do I break it off?

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I met this guy, who is on the same athletic team as me, ALMOST two weeks ago. One morning after we had gotten back from practice he asked if I wanted to go out to coffee ” just as friends” he said so I agreed because I knew I wouldn’t like him more than friends because he isn’t my type, but he is super sweet and charismatic. This guy has an incredible ability to get people to open up to him, and within two days we knew everything about each other. On the 3rd day of hanging out with this guy, he asked if I had “friend-zoned” him and I said yes, because I wasn’t attracted to him and I think he would be a really great guy friend. He was so sad, and I am VERY easily guilt tripped and I said, “not forever friend-zoned” I wasn’t really worried about him coming onto me, since a few days earlier he said that when we went to get coffee it was just as friends; well later that night he put his arm around me and started kissing me. I thought, “maybe I’ll really like this guy and he would be a really great boyfriend.” So I told him we needed to take this REALLY slow. he definitely started to push his limits and he told me if I ever wanted him to stop doing something just to tell him, so when I finally had to ask him to stop touching my boobs and trying to make out with me all the time he thought I was joking, and when he found out I was serious he got all angry and defensive and made me feel really bad for stopping him. It got really annoying. After spending 4 days in a row together for about 10 hours every day, I decided that I really needed to spend some time with some of my girlfriends, and he went and guilt tripped me again and made me feel so bad about not wanting to spend more time with him. He has gotten extremely attached within these two weeks, and it’s gotten kind of creepy. I finally decided to put an end to this whole thing, and told him I ONLY wanted to be his friend like we had both said in the beginning. That conversation didn’t go well; it ended with him crying saying nobody ever wants him, and silly me gets guilt tripped yet again saying that we just need to be friends right now. He agreed to slow things down, but before I know it he is putting his arm around me, trying to hold my hand, etc. He told me that Im frustrating and confusing because I let him do that even though we’re just friends, but in my defense he knows that I only want to be his friend so he should know not to do it right? the other thing he said is that he knows I over think things and “maybe you just over thought this and you’re ruining a good thing on accident” and “How can things be going so great on day and then the next day you don’t want to see me at all?” he is trying to make excuses for this whole thing to work out; another things is, I don’t get butterflies when I see him, or when he texts me, or when he kisses me, and thats not how it should be. One of the reasons I didn’t even want to start anything with him is because we are on the same athletic team, and I will have to see him EVERY single day for practive. How do I make clear to him that I don’t ever want to be “with” him? what should I say to make him understand, because everything I’ve said either doesn’t make sense to him or it pisses him off. How can I stop feeling so guilty? I really need to put an end to this whole thing before I settle for less than what I want. Is that selfish?
THANK YOU for reading this whole thing, it is greatly appreciated.

Category: Tags: asked September 28, 2014

4 Answers

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Okay, first of all, wow. I can be a little clingy at times, but nothing even remotely close to this. Especially not with personal boundaries. More just like if I feel like someone is ignoring me. And usually, it is because the person is ignoring me, or they are busy and once it is cleared up, everything is fine. I just prefer if people tell me they are busy, rather than decide to say nothing to me for awhile. I really don't think that's much to ask for ^^' But anyways, shutting up about that now.

As for your situation, for starters, no, you wanting to break up with him in order to be happy is not selfish. This isn't even a situation where it could work out in any sort of healthy way. You never wanted this to begin with. He has been trying to force and manipulate you to get what he wants. It honestly sickens me. Staying with him will simply make you miserable. Secondly, I do not think you will ever, ever get him to understand that you don't want this and do not have to put up with this. Either because he is not capable of understanding, or because he simply doesn't care and is being a horrible, selfish person.

Trust me, I have seen people this before. He is not going to stop trying to guilt and manipulate you. So don't act like he is going to be reasonable. Do your best to make it clear to him you don't want to be in this relationship. Honestly, it would be best if you interacted with him as little as possible afterwards. But since that is not completely possible with him being on the same team as you, just do what you can. Do not let him guilt you back into anything. Do not let him have control. You are in control of your life and your decisions. Have other friends back you up to get him off of your back if you can. Honestly, this is as much as I can suggest to you. I wish I could help more directly, but sadly I can't. ^^' I truly wish you the best of luck with this, and please feel free to talk to me any time if you need to, or if the situation gets worse, or if you just want a friend or someone to complain to. Best of luck~

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You should try to get out as soon as you can. You are not being selfish, and there is nothing wrong with you. The problem is him. For someone to be that attached is extremely unhealthy, and he could get dangerous. He's manipulating you into staying with him but guilt tripping you. You shouldn't have to deal with that. This guy needs some sort of help because there is something wrong if he is doing that to you. You don't need to listen to his guilt trips or be affected by them. If he tries to do that again, explain to him that it doesn't make you want to stay with him. If he starts to get dangerous with his anger, then you should call the police. Even get a restraining order if need be. You should be happy and safe, and wanting that doesn't make you selfish.
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Just pretend hes not there and leave immediately
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This is borderline violence/harassment and you should look into women's protection agencies/services. This happened to a friend of mine, and it got to the point where the guy was showing up at her apartment after work everyday and was verbally abusive.

Break it off with him, be firm and don't allow for him to try and get closure. You say "I'm not interested in making things work, this relationship is not healthy for me, I am very uncomfortable when I am around you." Do not give him a chance to explain if you have no interest in continuing this relationship. Ensure that you break up with him in a public area, and have friends or family members on hand in case things get violent. Make sure you are aware of your local women's shelter/protection agency should you need to get a protection order. Do not engage with him, or allow yourself to be alone with him.

You should also get in touch with your coach regarding your athletic team and explain the situation so they are aware of what's happening. In saying this, it may mean one of you will lose your spot if things get out of hand. Be honest about what happened, and that you just want to be friends with this individual, but things have gotten out of hand and that you are concerned for your safety.