I met this guy, who is on the same athletic team as me, ALMOST two weeks ago. One morning after we had gotten back from practice he asked if I wanted to go out to coffee ” just as friends” he said so I agreed because I knew I wouldn’t like him more than friends because he isn’t my type, but he is super sweet and charismatic. This guy has an incredible ability to get people to open up to him, and within two days we knew everything about each other. On the 3rd day of hanging out with this guy, he asked if I had “friend-zoned” him and I said yes, because I wasn’t attracted to him and I think he would be a really great guy friend. He was so sad, and I am VERY easily guilt tripped and I said, “not forever friend-zoned” I wasn’t really worried about him coming onto me, since a few days earlier he said that when we went to get coffee it was just as friends; well later that night he put his arm around me and started kissing me. I thought, “maybe I’ll really like this guy and he would be a really great boyfriend.” So I told him we needed to take this REALLY slow. he definitely started to push his limits and he told me if I ever wanted him to stop doing something just to tell him, so when I finally had to ask him to stop touching my boobs and trying to make out with me all the time he thought I was joking, and when he found out I was serious he got all angry and defensive and made me feel really bad for stopping him. It got really annoying. After spending 4 days in a row together for about 10 hours every day, I decided that I really needed to spend some time with some of my girlfriends, and he went and guilt tripped me again and made me feel so bad about not wanting to spend more time with him. He has gotten extremely attached within these two weeks, and it’s gotten kind of creepy. I finally decided to put an end to this whole thing, and told him I ONLY wanted to be his friend like we had both said in the beginning. That conversation didn’t go well; it ended with him crying saying nobody ever wants him, and silly me gets guilt tripped yet again saying that we just need to be friends right now. He agreed to slow things down, but before I know it he is putting his arm around me, trying to hold my hand, etc. He told me that Im frustrating and confusing because I let him do that even though we’re just friends, but in my defense he knows that I only want to be his friend so he should know not to do it right? the other thing he said is that he knows I over think things and “maybe you just over thought this and you’re ruining a good thing on accident” and “How can things be going so great on day and then the next day you don’t want to see me at all?” he is trying to make excuses for this whole thing to work out; another things is, I don’t get butterflies when I see him, or when he texts me, or when he kisses me, and thats not how it should be. One of the reasons I didn’t even want to start anything with him is because we are on the same athletic team, and I will have to see him EVERY single day for practive. How do I make clear to him that I don’t ever want to be “with” him? what should I say to make him understand, because everything I’ve said either doesn’t make sense to him or it pisses him off. How can I stop feeling so guilty? I really need to put an end to this whole thing before I settle for less than what I want. Is that selfish?
THANK YOU for reading this whole thing, it is greatly appreciated.
Trust me, I have seen people this before. He is not going to stop trying to guilt and manipulate you. So don't act like he is going to be reasonable. Do your best to make it clear to him you don't want to be in this relationship. Honestly, it would be best if you interacted with him as little as possible afterwards. But since that is not completely possible with him being on the same team as you, just do what you can. Do not let him guilt you back into anything. Do not let him have control. You are in control of your life and your decisions. Have other friends back you up to get him off of your back if you can. Honestly, this is as much as I can suggest to you. I wish I could help more directly, but sadly I can't. ^^' I truly wish you the best of luck with this, and please feel free to talk to me any time if you need to, or if the situation gets worse, or if you just want a friend or someone to complain to. Best of luck~