Help me please?

1

There’s this girl I’ve been talking to for a long time and we’ve been really close with each other, but randomly she started easing away because she doesn’t like to get too attached because she thinks it’ll cause less drama/pain but now she’s been talking with another guy and would lie to me about going to bed when she’s talking to the guy the whole time. This has been going on for maybe half a month now. At first I thought she was trying to make me jealous because we kinda got into an argument but we got over it right away. Idk, I just feel like I’m being thrown under the bus. Kind of like she takes me for granted. can you help me? Any idea what I should do? My friends say I should just let go because she’s not worth it but it’s really easier said than done and I can’t get myself to do it. She means a lot to me and the thought about losing her gives me bad anxiety. :/ anything is helpful please.

Category: asked May 4, 2014

8 Answers

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To start off, don't ever "wait" for someone. That is the single most self-abusive act in the name of romance. It is also one of the most destructive. Your life did not start with that young lady, and it won't stop without her.

It seems as though that young lady was using you, young man. She has likely found that you are getting too serious about her and she wants to move on, her giving you the cold shoulder is a big hint that you should absolutely take. Let her go and focus on something more important, give your brain time to detox off of the love cocktail.

Whatever her reasons are, ultimately it isn't really anything you can do anything about. There isn't a certain conversation or the "right words" you can say to "bring her around" or "convince" her. If she wanted to stay with you, she would. She is moving away, stop clinging and let her go the direction she wants to go. I know it hurts for now, but you do not control her and you are both still very young and she likely doesn't understand all of her own motivations enough to explain them either.

Let go and move on. Breathe slowly and deeply and tell yourself to think about something else. She is out of your life and it is okay for you to focus on other things.
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Well, I honestly hope your situation is going much better than mine because it's just a nightmare for me right now. :/ she used to be really affectionate towards me but because of her past relationships she has a hard time trusting. So when she finally met a good guy like me she thinks she'll just get hurt so she pushes me away when things are getting too good. I care about her so much. She means a lot to me. She does have the same feelings deep down but she's thick as a brick and doesn't let her emotions step in at all. Yeah I am being clingy and I really don't even mean to! She used to be clingy as well but only scolds me when I do it! It's odd. :/ but, yeah, I am trying to stop being clingy and am keeping away. I'm just not sure how long it'll take and every day that goes by that isn't the same as before kills me. It's just hard dealing with it all. And the anxiety isn't helping any. Thank you for your time and help it did help a lot! I really needed someone to hear me out.
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Wow, this sounds really similar to something I'm going through right now. I know exactly what you mean by anxiety. It keeps me up all night and it's really difficult not to think about it during the day too sometimes. What you need to do first hand though, is really assess your feelings for this girl. Is she someone you're willing to wait for because you love her? Or is she someone you just have a crush on? Another thing to think about is how much effort are you putting into this relationship versus how much effort she is putting into it. If she can't or chooses not to reciprocate the same feelings you have for her, then you're better off moving on. The reason being is this: You don't want to be that guy. What I mean by that is being clingy. Being clingy can be a real turn off to some people and can potentially make the situation worse. So for now, express disinterest, but still be a friend to her (if you can manage that). If she comes around someday, then it's up to you whether or not you jump at the opportunity or high tail it out of there. My best advice for getting over her: Find a distraction. Sports, working out, surrounding yourself with friends, reading, video games, whatever floats your boat. Whatever it is, it should be something you enjoy, can safely invest in, and get a decent return from it. I hope this helps!
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Glad I could help! And if you ever need to chat, my inbox is always open.
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From a woman's point of view- Women can be gluttonous for punishment when it comes to dating jerks for some reason. When she did get a good guy, it was like there was no challenge, so maybe she got bored. Sorry but there are some women in the world (young and old) that just like the daily melodrama of dating @&*holes and everybody who has posted has been right, there is really nothing you can do about it but move on as hard as it is at first. Hope this helps you and if you ever need to talk, there's always someone available here. Good luck.
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You should be spending time on someone who reciprocates the wonderful things you do and feel. It sounds like she may be too much of a coward to tell you how she truly feels (seeing as she cops out emotionally and clearly has her own self issues to deal with), but she isn't interested anymore. I'm sorry that she is stringing you along- it's selfish, but you should move on. There are many more people you will meet in life, so many so that in a year you may not even think about her. Life is crazy. Try your hardest to move on. Get 'rid' of her- things that remind you of her, her contact info, etc. It'll help. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here :)
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If she's spending less time with you and more time talking to this other person...eh? It sounds how it sounds. Again, Jonathan seems to know what's up. Don't wait for someone who is moving away from you. If you still want her to be part of your life, wonderful, but I wouldn't put all my eggs in that basket if she seems to be losing interest.
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Yeah, I just really don't know what happened. Things were great and then it just vanished like nothing. I'm told a lot that I should just leave her behind but the thing is, it's really easier said than done. I want to just up and leave but it's hard to, and I can't get myself to do it. But there's more I forgot to say. I don't text her first most of the time. She's the one that texts me first. But, it always seems like she's bored talking to me. I will write a lot and she'd write a lot less than that. Each time. She also lies to me, she told me that she had a stomach ache and was just going to go to bed but instead was just playing games with that guy. And I discretely said to her that she was gaming but still lied and said she was just in bed the whole time. Why do you think she'd need to lie? It's all just confusing, it's messing with my head, and I'm getting bad to have bad anxiety. This happened before in January but things got better and it's starting to happen again. It's just a little worse this time. And of course because she's so hidden of her feelings she makes it seem like she doesn't care at all, but if she was tired of all this don't you think she'd have left already?