Guy who sexually assaulted me threatening to rape me

1

A few months ago I started hanging out with this guy who my best friend had met. He seemed pretty cool so I started going to his garage on Fridays where him and his friends drank and smoked every Friday. It was fun and pretty harmless plus his friends were pretty cool. A few weeks ago we were all drinking and smoking perhaps a bit more than I should’ve and he layed down next to me. He didn’t just kiss me he choked me and pulled and twisted me ear to make me kiss him… At the time I honestly thought it was kinda hot because I’m into that stuff. The next week we just hung out like usual and it seemed to be just a drunk indescretion. I went over there while very drunk another time because I couldn’t sneak back into my house, yeah I’m a bad kid sometimes… He was also drunk and again we ended up making out and he choked me but harder this time. He told me to turn around and when I didn’t understand because… I was almost blackout drunk he pushed me into my side and pulled down my pants.. He penetrated me for a few seconds but because I’m basically a virgin I begged him to stop and he did. He walked me home and I decided that I should not hang out with them anymore. Well, because I’m an idiot that didn’t happen. He came over while my mom wasn’t home one night and everything was going fine. We were just talking until he started “jokingly” hitting me, I tried to stop him and he pinned me down, he ripped open my shirt and when I tried to free myself just mocked me for being weak. He left bruises and bite marks that lasted for almost two weeks afterwards and at one point pulled down my pants and spanked me, he said “this is going to hurt, you’re going to scream, and I did, it hurt so much. I wanted to fight back but even if he wasn’t so strong, he had a knife.He fingered me and made me bleed. And I’m honestly pretty sure he ejactulated just from hurting me. After he left I cried and made soup and decided to stop being stupid and get him out of my life. So I thought it was over. Last night he messaged me on Facebook, this the the conversation
Him: hey
Me: what do you want?
Him: I’m going to rape you
Me: what the f*ck (name)
Him: have you ever been raped before
Me: no
Him: I’ll be your first
Me: what the f*ck. You’re scaring me. Please stop.
Him: I’m sorry.

I blocked him on Facebook. I know I shouldn’t have gotten myself into this situation but I don’t know what to do. I’m not going to the cops, my friend is in a similar situation and she went to the cops and they’re doing nothing, it’s been months and they’ve literally done nothing about it. They’re useless. If I tell my mom she’ll either blame it on me or force me to go to the cops… Probably both. I don’t think it’s and idle threat. What do I do?

Category: Tags: asked October 19, 2015

2 Answers

26
I think it's important that you don't keep this to yourself, the more you keep it a secret, the more power he has on you, consider telling your (supportive) friends and consider telling your mother anyway, even if she gets angry at you it's better than the harm that can come from him, when it's not just something that you keep inside your head anymore, you'll feel less afraid and powerless. Consider saving and printing the conversation you had with him on Facebook, and to document any other interaction in case later you decide to tell the police.
12
Tell the cops as soon as you can before you get hurt. No one should go through this. Tell the cops and your family before it's too late.
1
I am pretty sure that is a legit threat which can be addressed legally, don't be stupid and avoid being or staying alone with him. One could have given him benefit of the doubt in the beginning as everyone seemed drunk or stoned, but it seems to me that he has been kind of testing you and your boundaries, the more you allow him to do bolder and more aggressive he will become. He already physically assaulted you and god knows what he decides to do next if he gets away with it. Threatening to rape someone is never okay under any circumstances, even if the person is into bondage play or rough sexual games. Those types of games should always be consensual and accompanied by a possibility to use a safe word which makes everything stop if the dominant partner takes it too far.