Getting engaged first or move in?

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I want to get engaged to my boyfriend, but it came to me earlier today if I should move in with him before we get engaged?

Category: Tags: asked October 28, 2013

12 Answers

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accepted
That's honestly really adorable! And I'm glad you two are so much in love. It's okay to be nervous, after all this is a brand new experience! But just try to sit him down one day and bring up the idea. If he likes it, you know your answer. Don't be afraid, you'll make great memories I'm sure of it.
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Well, just bring up the thought of moving in together. For example, "Hey wouldn't it be great if we moved in together?" And if he is okay with the idea, then just sly into the conversation and go from there. As for the engagement, both parties should know that for it to work. Does he talk about wanting to be with you for the rest of his life? Having a family? But this all depends on you, think about what you want first, moving in or engagements?
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We have definitely said those things to each other and we are constantly talking about being with each other for the rest of our lives. I just have never lived with someone before and i'm terrified of it. I love him, I really do. I say it too much to him. I just can't get myself to talk to him about it.
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Move in first! Trust me... You really get to see a lot of who a person really is when you live with them and you can judge if this really is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I've moved in with 2 girls so far both times I was madly in love and knew she was the one! The first one ended up being psychotic when we lived together and tried to control my every breath and bowel movement and the second one just eventually drifted away. we had been living together for one year, dating for two and just a couple weeks ago told me she wasn't happy anymore and left.So yeah I would definitely recommend living together first and see how it really is. Take your time and don't rush things :) GL!
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It depends how well you know your boyfriend. As they say, you really get to see another side of the person once you live with them. You get to see all their quirks, and if you can really stand them! But if you however, have been with each other a very long time. Then it all depends on what you are comfortable with. Have you talked with your boyfriend on this topic?
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No I haven't and I know I need to, I just don't know how to bring it up.
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Moving in before getting married is called Cohabitation and honestly if you want to or choose to do it I would look it up and research, because couples who live together before they get married have a 50% chance of divorce than couples who don't live together. There are a lot more statistics on the topic. I am currently learning about it in school and it is really interesting. It is your choice what to do, but I would strongly encourage to read up on it
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I feel that living together does help you clarify if you two will be compatible as husband and wife. I'm not entirely sure if what V says is true: I work for an insurance company, and if you tell me you're a "common-law wife" or "live-in wife", I will not release information on your significant other's policy. There would be a reason you both sign a binding contract - your marriage license. I have had really good experience with moving in together first. I've broken off a relationship and got engaged when experiencing life living with a man. Not every move-in experience is like a fairy tale, but it will help you grow as a person for the better, regardless. It seems to me, it would be more difficult to commit to someone for the rest of your life and not have known what they're like when you live with them. I also like having the ability to work things out financially before throwing that wrench into an engagement. Financial stress has been known to hurt a lot of couples. I don't want you to feel like moving in first will guarantee a break up. For me, it was more solidifying in helping me choose who I want to spend the rest of my life with.
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Get engaged first!
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If I had have married my ex before we lived together I might have really committed suicide or something. All the paperwork and legal issues on top of the hell that was the last few years of my relationship? HA! If you get engaged first, I'd set the date to be married FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR into the future; after you've lived with each other a long time!
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Don't move in together just yet. Statistics show that couples who move in together before they marry one another and more likely to get divorced and/or not even get married to one another. I'm taking a class at my college about social problems and a couple of weeks ago we talked about divorce and this stuck out to me. I'm not trying to tell you how to run your life, but that's the truth.
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Well, I'm not sure how close you are to being engaged, but my general advice to people considering moving in with their significant others is "NO". I can see why it might be a benefit to some financially, but I see it more as a "unofficial marriage". As soon as you move in together, that's basically what your married life is like. Either things will be fine and you stay together forever and get married, or you learn a little too much about your partner too soon, all the romance becomes overshadowed by domestic issues and you fall out of love and break up. Besides, you'll be spending ALL of your free time together whether you want to or not. You might regret giving up your privacy and space, I say you should hold onto that as long as you can because once you're married it only becomes more scarce, and after you have kids then it's really gone!
The way I see it, the only thing that REALLY changes about your relationship after marriage is that you live together, and are now thinking in terms of the pair of you. If you start living that way before your married, then the marriage just becomes a really expensive party. Before the party you're living together and cleaning house and working to pay the bills, after the party you're living together and cleaning house and working to pay the bills. NOTHING CHANGES! Give yourself something to look forward to for after you get married and don't live together before you have to.
Also, in some places cohabitation for a certain amount of time would qualify you as his common-law wife. You might want to look into the laws in your area, because you could wind up married to someone you later discover you don't want to spend the rest of your life with. Then you'll have all the legal issues to deal with. Good luck!
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