Feeling scared and lonely

It sounds like your mom needs to understand that having a good connection with her kids is really important. Her not staying home at night to be with you, doesn't show that she wants to be there. I understand you completely of wanting to have your mom around and it doesn't seem like she spends most of her time with you, she spends it with her boyfriend. No mother should ever guilt trip their child, that's just not the best thing to do. My advice is, once you actually have the time to talk to her, just speak your mind about everything that's bothering you and let her know what's going on. You seem to really love your mom and you only want to spend more time with her. I'm sure she'll understand and I hope she wants to spend more time with you as well.

I don't know how things go in your country, but I'm fairly sure it's not allowed to let a 13 year old home alone without adult supervision. Normally the age for that would be 16 or 18, depending on your country. It's not responsible of your mother that she leaves you home alone some nights. She's your mother. She has a responsibility. She shouldn't be leaving you alone. Definitely not when she knows in which condition you are. She shouldn't guilt you in letting her go. She's the one who should feel guilty for letter her child alone. She should be taking care of you, you should be her top priority. Don't let her make you feel guilty. Try to explain once more how badly you want her to stay. Your mother should really wake up and realize she needs to stay with you. After all, she's your mother, she should look out for you.