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I have been married to my wife(not legally) for a year and a half now. She is a military vet and has some issues with PTSD and a legal issue that could put her in jail for a long time and has her on house arrest. I moved to the state she lives in and dont have any friends or family here to turn to. She isnt very affectionate most of the time and doesnt really talk to me much. She is always involved eith work and tends to bring it home with her. She works 14 hr days then does more stuff when she gets hime into the wee hours of the morning. We do work together but not always close to one another. She is usually outside and I am inside. We work for a friend so I can stay home whenever I want. I do sometimes to give her space. I also am rarely in the same room with her at night. I let her sit in the living room and watch what she wants. I go to the bedroom and do whatever I want to do. I dont touch her a lot or kiss her a lot like I used to because she said we were always around each other. What concerns me is I have so much to talk about and I try but most of the time I get little to no response. She never seems to be concerned with anything I feel and kind of shuns away from any issues I may be having. She says that we spend time together when we are just sitting next to one another in front if the tv. She is usually on fb, playing a game on her phone or googling something. We have little to no sex life and mostly it is her getting hers or she jsut gets into the act, gets off and goes to bed. There isnt any kind of intimacy or lovimg connection. I have voiced my opinions and feelings. She tries to change things then goes right back into the same things. I want her to want to kiss me and make efforts. I want her to show me she loves me like I have with her. Am I being greeedy or am I right that things need to change? I feel like I am losing my mind. I cry a lot because I dont feel the safety or assurqnce in our relationship. I feel like if I left she wouldnt care or miss me. Someone plese help.

Category: asked October 21, 2014

1 Answer

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That's really hard, I'm sorry you have to face this. I would advise you, if you're still interested in maintaining this relationship, to do things to help yourself first. There's a website, and a series of books, called Marriage Builders. I don't think you need to buy the books, I think if you just go to their website you can see the steps they think are necessary for a happily functioning relationship. They talk about you each having a love bank. It sounds like you're making lots of 'deposits' into her love bank and she is just making 'withdrawals' from your bank ...but not depositing anything into it. I don't know if that makes sense if you haven't read the Marriage Builders website. But if you can read their website and get some tools that you can use with her, she might show some interest in rebuilding what initially brought you two together. I'm wishing you a happy and healthy relationship.