Ok, this is a hard one to explain. Usually, I feel like a human, and I have my human life and human desires and all the normal human crap. But occasionally, I feel like I’m not even me. It’s like I’m seeing myself outside my own body, in third person. I’ve also been confused about death and not living for a long time. Do we do anything? Is it just permanent sleep? What is it? There’s another thing, too. I run track, and I always lose consciousness during my races. It’s not like I actually fall asleep, but it’s like I’m running on autopilot. And once I finish I can only remember tiny moments of the run, and they’re from third person. Also, sometimes the world just feels so two-dimensional. It feels like a coloring book, with vivid color. I’m just so scared and I don’t know if anything exists at all.
Unforunately you cannot know the answer. All you can do is exist and make it a good existence and wait and see. Maybe all this doesn't exist? Who knows, but I have definitely felt this way before. I do quite often. But all you have to do is accept that it is. What is it? I don't know, all I know is that it IS and the easiest way to deal with it - is by accepting it. It may take time, but once you do, you'll feel at ease. ♥
I've gone through this- disassociation- a lot. It normally happens when I am extra suicidal. My friend, I don't know how to fix this. But I understand where you're coming from, so feel free to talk to me if you need.