Dating a guy but desiring girls

i’m a 29 year old lesbian who would probably be called bisexual by some. I’m dating a guy that I have been with now for 5 years. I love him, adore him, we get along great and we’re living together. There’s just one tiny problem that I’m unsure how to deal with.

My god, I want to have sex with a girl again. It crops up in my dreams and fantasies so much. I don’t want to cheat on my boyfriend. That would be unacceptable to me. But the… desire is still there.

He says he’s open to the idea of a threesome, even a poly relationship, but then I still feel bad about it (guilty/etc) and I know finding a girl open to the idea is (a) kind of rare and (b) kind of offensive to the girl if I go out hoping to find a ‘third’?

And unfortunately, simulation in the lesbian love department is… kind of hard to facilitate, you know? So… I’m left wondering. How does one deal with this kind of thing?

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Jordan

3 Answers

You identify as a lesbian, yet you are in a committed relationship with someone of the opposite gender. That makes your relationship disingenuous and it is doing neither you nor your current partner any good. Just because he is open to new things it does not mean it is going to fix the fundamental flaw in this romantic venture.

It may also be possible that you are more than "simply" lesbian, pardon the term, but if you know beyond any shadow of a doubt that you are a lesbian, then that relationship needs to come to an end, as your needs cannot be met by your current partner.

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Humanist Hope

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I kind of.... ride the line between lesbian and bi. I'm like.... %90 attracted to girls, but then every once in a while, a guy will catch my interest. So it was with my boyfriend. We've been through so much together and continue to help each other through so much. And it's not like he's bad in bed (though sometimes I do think we approach it a little differently). I'm not lying to him about my inclinations either. I made it perfectly aware to him early on that I was overwhelmingly predominately lesbian, and that I didn't know if that might cause issues between us. I was confused and scared and worried at first. But I love him.I mean. I /love/ him.I just don't know how to reconcile the fact that some of my needs aren't being met with the fact that so many others are.

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Jordan

Your objections are mostly pertinent to the "threesome plan", so maybe concentrate on figuring out if a polyamory system where you engage your female partners on your own would work. Otherwise, breakup or accept being exclusive.

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rinseandrep

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